Used
by DisturbedlittleGirl
Summary: SEIFITIS!Quistis is at the center of controversial breakup.What happens when she runs away & comes face to face with another outcast..Seifer? FINISHED! yay!
1. What is love?

'Love. What a fickle thing that is. Loves suppose to be returned, to be shared, to be warm and inviting. These are just the cliché bits, they don't tell you about the hurt. They don't tell you about people like me who fall hard for someone, only to be turned the cold shoulder. 'Go talk to a wall', I laugh when I repeat this phrase. Maybe it's because I'm over it. Perhaps it is pure insanity and procrastination taking me further and further from the truth,' Quitis shifted slightly as the tears began to swell up in her eyes, she laughed gently, as if to ward off the loneliness which was rotting through her bones, destroying her center. She took the pen back to the paper, to vent, 'Do not get me wrong, for I have seen love work fairly. Zell and his library girl, Lena; Fuijin and Raijin (although at times I find myself doubting their self expression through violence toward one another); Selphie and Irvine; Cid and Edea. Their all beautiful together, perfect. It simply the tattered ones which make me feel like Hyne has betrayed us all.  
  
'For this I place the example of Squall and Rinoa up. I am not saying this simply to be bitter, although that catches up with me many times, but to speak the truth. A year and a half ago their romance began, during the battle with Ultemecia. Half a year later they were married. I knew something was wrong soon after, when their bickering began. Young love, I bow before you, you sure have the power to fuck things up. Squall was eventually kicked out of the home they built in Centra for weeks at a time.  
  
'I'm ashamed of what happened then, for I was the one he ran to. I should have denied him. This was the same Squall who had told me to deny love, I knew somewhere inside my feeble heart he was using me. I was steadily there, always ready to comfort, console, and in all means replace his wife. I always denied that he would leave after that week or so, leave a quick jotted note saying something along the lines of 'we both know this isn't right' and leave me to wait for the next bout in their marriage,' Quitis laughed again, now becoming more certain she was being driven to insanity. She laughed at her stupidity, her immaturity, her fake maturity most of all her denial.  
  
She told herself to keep writing, this was all she could do now, write, 'Then it all collapsed, I was found out. Somehow I got the brunt of the blame. I will forever remember the stinging slap Rinoa delivered to me at their first year anniversary dance.It was only last night'  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* {flashback}  
  
Selphie bounded up to Quitis, bounded being the ideal word to use. As usual a fresh smile plastered on her face, "Isn't it fantastic!" She flipped her hand and waved it in a circle to get Quitis to notice the decorations.  
  
Everything was covered in rich brown and gold draping, slightly ruffled and piled at the floor. The ceiling was hung with what seemed like a billion white lights. What drew Quitis' attention most was the stage. It was nothing more then pre-fabricated set of plastic blocks, but it had been covered in beautiful sparkling gold vinyl material. The 3 foot sides covered in gauzy white fabric, letting the gold show through. A long table covered in white linen was perched back of the stage. It was fantastic, just like a dream. She scanned the room and noticed tables lining the dance floor. A banner, brown with gold writing hung above the stage, 'Happy Aniversary Squall and Rinoa' she squinted to see the small writing, 'best of luck on a long healthy life together'. She scoffed aloud.  
  
"What, you think its too tacky?" Selphie's eyes widened and looked suddenly hurt. Quitis simply shook her head smiling and watched as Selphie bounded away.  
  
She looked around the ballroom, tonight they would be celebrating a torn marriage. Of course she only knew of this. Mistress, that she was, it was held as some hierarchal rule to keep things quiet, no matter how excruciatingly painful they were. She sighed once again and turned slowly.  
  
She had promised Selphie she'd stop buy to see the decorations, and now this was done. She had nothing much else left to do. She probed her mind for something to get her out of this falsely anticipant room. Training, yes, training. She needed to do it more, and with all the built up stress it seemed like the right thing to do.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It had only taken her a couple minutes to make it to the training center, but after getting wrapped up in the slaughtering, Quitis noticed that there was an hours time ti'll the party began. 'Hyne, I can't not go, how suspicious would that be?' she mumbled racing down the corridor.  
  
One second she was running, the next she was flat on her face. Noticing a throbbing pain in her palms Quitis sat up and looked directly into the face of the person she had fell over. It was Zell, she breathed a sigh of relief as he gently extended a hand towards her.  
  
"Sorry Quitis, didn't see you coming," he looked at her with that ever-expression full face and pouted. She put on her best fake smile, taking his hand and ripping herself off the ground.  
  
"I shouldn't have been running that fast and not watching where I was going," she stopped and looked Zell up and down, he was in a suit. She giggled, mostly at the prospect of how much nagging Lena must have forced upon him to wear the black suit, and a little because of how cute Zell looked. He always did have this really kid-ish charm, and in a suit it seemed all so much more prominent.  
  
He frowned and sputtered, "Told Lena I looked silly." Quitis swear she saw him pout more prominently, it made her giggle again, but she held herself long enough to speak.  
  
"Looks great Zell, you look cute," she sputtered before taking off quickly round the central fountain.  
  
As she walked she heard Zell shout, "SEE YOU TONIGHT!". She didn't pause but gave him a wave of comprehension and continued on her way.  
  
By the time she arrived in her room it was 6:21 pm, leaving her 39 minutes to get ready. She jumped into the shower and did the quickest shampoo and conditioner regime on the planet. She jumped out similar to how she had went in and began to go through the two outfits she had bought for tonight.  
  
One was a fabulous black knee length dress with black gauzy arms floating down far past the hands. She had chosen several black chokers to accompany it's melancholy. This was what she called her mourning outfit. It was joke none but her and Squall would get, but it had more to do with how she felt.  
  
The second dress was beautiful cream colored strapless vintage gown. The top of the gown is what drew her to it, it was bunched, starlet style. She had altered it so it fell above the knee and knew it would fit perfectly.  
  
She was still slightly giddy from her encounter with Zell. Zell whom she had seemed to be seeing less and less of the past few months. Zell always did that, Selphie had energy, but Zell could expel energy upon others. She decided on the latter vintage gown. Maybe without her falling over Zell Quitis would still have this dress.  
  
Quitis always had a flare for style, not obvious in her conservative everyday style, but she had the most fantastic clubbing and event wardrobe. She simply chose to hide it from all others. She pulled on the beautiful gown, laced 5 tiered strings of pearls round her neck and wrapped two creamed colored spiked heals round her feet. For makeup she simply lined her eyes in coal and applied deep red lipstick.  
  
Finally she piled her hair loosely atop her head in curls, accenting kiss curls fell around her face. She took a look in the mirror and felt fabulous. She laughed a bit, here she was preparing to attend the first year anniversary of a couple whom she only knew from the inside because she was having an affair with the husband. At this thought Quitis walked out of the room and into the Girl's dorm hall.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She saw the stares, she basked in them. All the males in the garden were falling deeply in love with Miss Quitis Trepe, if only because she looked so captivating. The whispers surrounded her, she could almost bathe in them, soak them all in. She smiled a devilish smile to herself.  
  
Always the one to give away the spotlight, always the one to recede into the background, smart-ass, geek. All the taunts disappeared and were replaced with awe. The real amusement began when she passed other couples walking to the event, after the passed she could hear a swift cuff from a girlfriend to a guys wondering eye.  
  
Quitis had no interest in this attention, only the self-esteem that it brought.  
  
As she entered the ballroom, all eyes turned on her, including Squall's. The speaking became low whispering, from 'whose that girl' to 'I'm in love'.  
  
She searched the room and found Rinoa and Squall on the stage, chatting to Zell and Lena. Zell waved me over, still staring openly at her, and was swiftly slapped on the arm by Lena who also waved her over. She examined Lena's dress, it was a pretty, deep brown and floor-length with ruffles. The she looked to Rinoa, she was dressed in a simple blue dress, knee length with a slit up the leg. She walked up the gold stair beside the stage, feeling the stares follow.  
  
"Quitis you look great," Zell cautiously spoke, nervously eying Lena who simply smiled contently and nodded. Quitis stifled a laugh of triumph for Lena, she had found the perfect man and was able to strike fear into his heart.  
  
That's when it all started to become unstable. 


	2. Confrontation/Rebirth

Note: Ai! Really sorry about all the stupid mistake I made in the last chapter, I'll edit this one better.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"You really do look nice," Squall half-mumbled trying to seem indifferent. He was clad in a dark blue suit, complete with a matching tie and dress shoes. Squall, however, still seemed to care very little about his hair, which simply thrashed about in black chunks at the top of his head.  
  
Rinoa glared at Quitis and added, "You've outdone me again Quisty."  
  
Quitis shuttered, for a moment she thought Rinoa meant the affair. She shook herself, no, that couldn't be it, they were too careful.  
  
Rinoa spoke again, "First SeeD, now this fabulous dress. Where did you get it?" Quitis felt a pain of guilt hit her with these words, she must've imagined Rinoa's look. She kicked herself for trying to make Rinoa the bad one.  
  
Quitis attempted a charming smile. "I like yours too," she lied, it was too common for her tastes, "a junk store down in Dollet, but I altered it quite a bit." The group stopped conversing for a couple minutes.  
  
"When is the party gonna start," Zell questioned, breaking the groups suddenly recession into an awkward silence.  
  
Almost on que the overhead lights were dimmed and the white hung lights lit. A voice over the intercom ushered everyone to please take a seat at a table.  
  
Quitis started making her way down the stairs but was held back by a strong arm. She turned back to see Zell who mouthed something along the lines of you've got a seat up on stage, and lead her to a chair next to him. Quitis thought this all quite odd. The party was taking place much like a wedding's party might. She sighed, wishing to escape the harsh light and emotion thick in the air upon the stage.  
  
Glancing down the table she noted the order;  
  
Selphie was seated next to Irvine, furthest down the table, near stage right. Selphie was beaming with pride at what she had done and Irvine simply sat there staring at her. Quitis smiled, how she wished love could be that way. The worshipping guy, the indifferent girl, yet always existent. Next to Irvine was General Carthaway, Rinoa's only parent. Next were the 'happy' couple, Rinoa and Squall. Laguna, who had been called away from Esthar for this event, was seated at Squall's left. Which brings her to Lena and Zell, who sat next to her staring at one another looking very much in love. Quitis almost gagged. How come they got love so insanely sweet, and all she got was false love. There when Squall needed it, hidden when he didn't.  
  
She was still contemplating this when Selphie stood up to speak. A small podium had been erected stage right and she bounced over to it.  
  
"Hello friends, colleagues, family," she turned to smile at both fathers, "Tonight we've come together to celebrate the one year anniversary of our good friends, Rinoa and Squall Leonhart." She paused for applause before continuing, "However I have an announcement to make! Me and Irvy are engaged!" She smiled profusely at the crowd, all of whom were very aware of the famous group, as they clapped and cheered. "Lets get on partying then!" she finished her speech energetically.  
  
Quitis was becoming more bitter by the moment, was she so out of touch that she had to learn of such things going on with her friends through the media? She would not ruin tonight, not purposely, no she wouldn't. As she finished her thoughts she noticed shuffling about the room. The head table emptied and music began to play. Quitis simply sat on the golden stage, staring at the grainy plastic flooring.  
  
It didn't take long for several suitors to find their way up on stage to ask Quitis to dance. Each one she simply smiled at and allowed them one dance, however the continued to flock. At least she wouldn't have trouble finding dancing partners, she wouldn't be as noticeably alone.  
  
She was dancing with a man named Nida, whom she recalled was the Garden's pilot, when she saw Rinoa rush out of the ballroom, crying. She had never been Rinoa's friend, even before whatever had been going on with Squall and her began, but she felt badly. She was about to run off and find Squall when the music stopped and Selphie told everyone to return to their seats.  
  
Quitis thanked Nida, who insisted it was his pleasure, and walked up onto the golden stage to her chair.  
  
Something was noticeably wrong now, neither Squall nor Rinoa were here. Selphie eyed the empty chairs and mouthed 'where are they?' The rest of the group shook their heads unknowing, when Quitis spotted Rinoa stumbling in.  
  
Quitis half gasped when she noticed how drunk Rinoa must've been, she stumbled into a table where someone stood up to try and help her. Rinoa flailed her arms around to get the person off her and continued to the stage, red eyes locked on Quitis.  
  
General Carthaway stood up and helped his daughter slowly to the stage. Rinoa once again shook herself free of the arms that were trying to steady her and grabbed the microphone. In the sudden light, everyone could see she had been crying as well. Quitis dreaded what would be coming next.  
  
"Everybody listen," Rinoa extended the second word beyond normalcy, "I have something to say." She paused, trying to collect whatever it was once again. "Squally-poo is leaving me," she stated crying again, "Because..because of..you." she extended a slender finger in Quitis's direction. Nobody had any idea what it meant.  
  
"Why did you take him, why did you take him in when he left? You stole him, YOU SLUT!" Rinoa shouted, everyone gasped at the sudden implication Quitis had been harboring a secret affair with Squall. Rinoa moved quite swiftly for someone so hammered, and ripped Quitis up from her chair and pulled her in front of the table. Now she spoke directly to Quitis, "You always had to do me one better, I marry Squall, you steal him, I buy a new dress, you have that!" she shouted and ripped at Quitis's dress, then shocking everyone further grabbed a glass of red wine off the table and spilt it on her. Quitis was trembling now and crying, not for sympathy, she just had no more control. Rinoa slapped her across the face and bellowed, "How dare you cry!"  
  
"How could you do that? He was mine, he never loved you, he was mine.." she slurred out and began to repeat over and over. "Now hes gone, hes never coming back, he ran off, all because of you." Rinoa Shouted at Quitis who was now shaking with convulsions.  
  
She couldn't take anymore, Quitis ran, she ran through the gasping crowd, she ran, her ripped dress falling apart at the seems, and she ran until she made it to her room. Where all she did was full into bed and cry compulsively.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'So now I sit, an outcast. Pushed back by society. I dared to go out into the cafeteria today. Selphie looked horrified to see me, she simply looked back to her plate. The others followed her example, Zell, Lena and Irvine. I tried a feeble hello, only to hear no response at all. I almost argued, almost tried to get them to see what happened, my side of it, but I decided against it, why should they listen?  
  
'I almost cried when Zell wouldn't even flash me a smile of acknowledgment. You take so many things for grant it, the look of a friend, a warm greeting. If only they realized it, realized what I saw happening, the failing marriage, Squall lying to me, saying Rinoa kicked him out when he left on his own will. If they could only realize the loneliness, they all had one another. I was just me, alone, I had no crutch, no one to lean on. It killed me, all of it.  
  
'When I left the cafeteria I began to hear the whispers. Last night they had been along the lines of, 'she looks fantastic'. Now they were mockery, hate, glares formed into stinging words. How come I got all the blame. No one spoke of Squall, of course no one knew where Squall was, as far as I know no one does still. Soon no one will know where I am as well.  
  
'I was not formally asked to leave the garden, call it intuition,' Quitis paused to laugh, 'I just seem to get the picture no one wants me here. So tonight I'm traveling to Dollet, I'm not telling anyone, no one would care anyways. I doubt anyone will notice for days anyway. I heard that there are job openings there, a sudden increase in businesses and decrease in the workforce has made it an opportune time to seek job there. I'll be gone in an hour.' Quitis signed her journal entry and slipped the half empty book into her bag. The duffel contained all she held dear; her memories, her whip, her freedom.  
  
She pulled the heavy duffel bag onto her right arm and straightened her fitted black t-shirt. She took one last look around to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. When she peeked into the bathroom she felt despair. She had hung the cream dress from yesterday over the shower, hoping to fix it. There was no hope, the dress was stained and shredded, beyond repair, much like all of her relationships. She sighed and left the dress hanging. It was 11:00pm, everything was closed, not a soul would be up at these hours, not that anyone would try to stop her if they had.  
  
She took one last look around at her room, her sanctuary, her prison for the majority of her life. It held so much, pain, joy, and even hatred. She was happy to be rid of it, it was a constant reminder of sorrow. She left that night for a new life.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Quitis had been sitting on the train for half an hour, thinking before it finally got on the way.  
  
Will Cid get my resignation papers? Without them I'll still be legally binded to SeeD, she paused, Typical Quitis, you just caused one of the most famous marriages of your time to break up painfully and your worried that your resignation will be in on time.  
  
Someone took a seat in front of her, she glanced up and saw it was a little girl smiling at her. "Are woo Quisty Trepe?" She asked through a large tooth gap.  
  
Quitis smiled back in spite of how she felt, "Yep, how did you know?"  
  
"We wearnt all about woo in school. I got an A+ in histowy!" she proclaimed, still grinning, "Yur my favowite one to learn about." Quitis smiled. "My mommy said something bad happened to woo, so I should leave you awone, but woo looked sad, so I wanted to make you happy." Quitis smiled, she finally pronounced you.  
  
"Yeah, something did happen. But thank you for talking to me, whats your name?" Quitis was happy to have this small distraction.  
  
"Analeese, but all my fwiends call me Leesy!" she jumped up and down, she reminded Quitis of Selphie, ever energetic and smiling. That thought struck her hard, would she ever see Selphie again?  
  
"Really Leesy, so where are you from?" she tried to entertain the child, to distract herself from her thoughts.  
  
"Bawamb, but we're moving to Dollet, where are woo going?" Quitis almost giggled when she reverted back to woo.  
  
"I'm going to Dollet too!" she smiled at the small girl. Leesy unexpectedly jumped up and walked away. Quitis was sad to see her go, but she returned minutes later with a women in tow. The woman was a pleasantly plump middle-aged woman with brown hair and a warm face, she was wearing a purple shirt and overalls. When she saw Quitis she extended her hand in greeting.  
  
"Hello, I'm Myra, Leesy's mom, I'm really sorry she bothered you, especially with what the newspapers say your going through," she smiled understandingly.  
  
That was the one emotion Quitis didn't think would accompany the media's coverage of the Aniversary Party. She smiled and shook the woman's hand, "No, its no problem, she's a charming little girl, why don't you have a seat, I'm traveling alone." She smiled and pointed to the seat facing her, next to where Leesy had firmly sat before invitation. The women took the seat, much to Quitis's surprise, and began a conversation.  
  
They talked the whole trip, as Quitis noticed, keeping as far from the topic of the party as possible. It was too fresh to talk about. Their arrival in Dollet was signaled by a voice and they both stood to leave.  
  
"It's been very nice talking to you Quitis, and I'm sure Leesy would say the same. Here, why don't you take our address, stop by anytime you need some home cooking," she scribbled the families new address on a receipt and handed it to Quitis. Home cooking, that's something Quitis had never really had before; at least not that she was able to remember.  
  
Quitis smiled pleasantly, she had had a wonderful trip much to her surprise. She was still covered in mental bruises, but now she had someone who was trying to make her feel better. She warmly said good-bye and was surprised when the woman took her into a hug and wished her luck.  
  
As they parted she couldn't help thinking maybe life was looking up.  
  
Note: thanks to sabacat and GenkiVenus, your why I continued, boring chapter at the end, I realize, but I'll fix it, posting the next one reallllllyy soon. AI! So boring without Seifer.next chapter 


	3. Warmth [REVISED cuz it was boring withou...

Note: This chapters kind of simply Quitis getting on with her life, or attempting to, we can't have her constantly having mental revelations Oh sorry about how this changed and got all funky, but I edited the Seifer bit in.  
  
Thanks to everybody who reviews!  
  
OOooooOOOooooo look I added a disclaimer (crawls out from illusion that she owns the world); if some reason you didn't know (which I highly doubt) squaresoft owns final fantasy, all of it, accept the characters I made up, which are quite obvious because they have no depth! Hurray!  
  
Chapter 3 [REVISED]  
  
Quitis Trepe rubbed her eyes as they slowly adjusted to the sparse light outside of the train cabin.  
  
Dollet, her new home.  
  
She walked to the end of the train to gather her bag. She sighed at the thought that this bag held her life, what fragmented pieces there were left of it.  
  
She politely asked the worker for the large duffel bag under the name Trepe. She ignored the glare from the tall man who was obviously aware of her past.  
  
'Oh, great, even people who don't know me despise me,' she thought, 'what abhors me the most is they have reason, I can't even imagine how much Rinoa wishes me to have in no way existed.'  
  
The man almost shoved the duffel at her, she decided not to comment to him, but to allow him to live in his disillusioned world that all stories were one sided, that she had no reasons for being with Squall then to steal her away from Rinoa. Nobody new about the deep rooted love, the betrayl, the lies she was fed.  
  
Rinoa was always thought of the heroine. Every book written on Ultimecia had either Squall or Rinoa on the cover, they were the least camera shy. She smiled to herself thinking of how Zell would always complain that he was defiantly cute enough to be on a cover.  
  
It all made sense that no one in the general public would care for Quitis's side, it just hurt Quitis that none of her friends wanted to listen either.  
  
Quitis dragged her bag further away from the man to avoid his scornful look, which was getting to her the way a child fidgets when his mother glares. She pulled her bag upon her shoulders and prepared for many more looks, many more whispers and reopening of wounds.  
  
The streets of Dollet were surprisingly quiet. So quiet in fact that it seemed to harbor no night life at all. She was rather thankful but kept to the main streets for safety. She was trying her best to avoid angry mobs wanting to burn her at the stake.  
  
Dollet Inn loomed before her, faded sign barely catching the glimmer of a nearby street lamp. Relieved, Quitis broke into a faster walk, that's when she saw the shadow, in the alley before the Inn. She walked faster, trying to avoid the shadow, which was moving humanly.  
  
Bam, whomever it was took her down as she passed the alley way. Quitis was not weak, just behind on her training. As the man grabbed the bag, she kicked her leg underneath him, causing him to fall to the ground. She realized he was too big, without her whip she couldn't take him down.  
  
She grabbed for the duffels zipper as he stood, ripping it open. She prayed instantly, and for once the prayer was answered, as the man ran off with her bag, her two most precious possessions fell out; her whip and her journal. Quitis was pained wondering how much her thoughts would be worth with the scandal, thousands more then the jewelry to some odd fool.  
  
She smiled quite oddly to herself. The man had made off with her pearls and other jewelry, but she had placed her money in her boot. She would be okay, clothes could be replaced, memories cannot.  
  
The women at the front desk looked at the blonde haired girl strangely. She resembled Quitis Trepe, one of the famed defeaters of Ultimecia, dethroned from glory by recent scandal. She had to wonder, however, why in the world would Quitis Trepe be wondering into Dollet Inn at four in the morning? Especially with bruises up the side of her face and no luggage? She shudder to herself, cursing the manager for putting her on night shift, it always did make her feel loony.  
  
"Hello and good evening Madame," she spoke rehearsed and obviously staring at the dirt clinging to the strangers hair.  
  
"A nights stay please, maybe more," she was solemn once again, cursing herself for moments later being happy to save her memories. Why in the world would she want to remember that?  
  
"Sure, 200 Gil please," the women smiled, miles away, "And your name?"  
  
Quitis handed over the money and signed herself in as Senya Adema. This of course left the night clerk more confused, and as Quitis walked off with a key she heard the clerk mumble something to herself.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ ___  
  
[Quitis's thoughts]  
  
Sleep.Why can't I sleep? I deserve to be punished but dear Hyne, our goddess, deprive an animal of reconstruction?! I think too much. Sleep is an unconscious state, no thought, just existence. Why am I not blessed with the ability to sleep, it is five' o'clock in the morning, and I have not slept for 68 hours, I fear a coma coming on. I might as well think then.  
  
Its horrible to admit it, but I could always sleep with Squall's arms around me, even knowing that deep down inside it wasn't real. I felt just as empty with him though, it was just the comfort. Or so I tell myself. I feel so used, so horrible, so disgusting, I feel like I should have showered for days, not mere minutes.  
  
Who was I to do what I have done? I shouldn't have allowed Squall to use me.I should have denied it. I don't know if I would have had the willpower.  
  
I wish I could talk to my friends, no matter what they think of me now, tell them what happened. I doubt they'd understand. Its easy for lonely to relate with lonely, but can a sad person ever truly express themselves to someone who had never felt that pain? They all had one another, each one a structure, not a freestanding pole.  
  
Why does it always come down to this, damnit Quitis accept it was your fault, maybe you'll get some sleep.  
  
Quitis had just decided that human emotions were terrible coughs in evolutions steady breath when she decided to rise. It was nine' o' clock in the morning, and even though she slept none, the sun seemed to be radiating energy.  
  
She slowly walked to the slightly grubby washroom and turned on the shower. Showers were somewhat obsessive to her, she tried to use them to scrub away the mental grime. It was a slightly off balance activity which she indulged in rather then took task.  
  
She emerged forty-five minutes later feeling slightly better; at least she didn't feel like complete hell. That's when the realization struck that she had no clean clothing.  
  
She pulled on her dirty outfit and decided to go shopping.  
  
She hadn't expected the stares, be it the lack of them she attracted last night, but they were everywhere.  
  
'I can't walk unnoticed down a street. The whispers, insistent as they were at Balamb Garden. However, unlike the comforting comments on the night of the party, its like soaking in a pool congealed blood. You take no comfort from an experience such as that, just a need to be released.' Quitis thought, realizing how in depth her conversations to herself had become. That disturbed her a little.  
  
She walked slowly into the first clothing store she passed and bought a simple black outfit and a hat with long floppy sides. Unsure of her standings Quitis asked if she would be able to wear the outfit. The shop keeper replied with a quick yes, not wanting to seem as though she had taken any sort of liking to the outcast.  
  
She decided she needed a new look, her face was plastered everywhere, she couldn't escape the whispers without changing her face. She stopped into a small beauty parlor she saw on the upscale side of town. She had money, she never really spent it before, but now she had no bonds or reasons to save it.  
  
The parlors, Restructure, was a large extremely pink building in the fountain square. When she entered all eyes were on her. She despised this feeling, one she had thought she had gotten used to, fame is deeply overrated.  
  
She approached the pink front desk and smiled at a pretty black haired girl behind the counter, "I'd like a cut and coloring please." She waited a moment and the girl finally replied, cracking a smile as well.  
  
"Sure. Are you Miss Trepe?" The girl appeared to be a year or so younger then Quitis.  
  
"Could I please just get a cut?" she spoke rather sharply, it bugged her now, she should be treated like any other person. She laughed to herself, Ice queen.  
  
The girl stammered a yes and asked for 50 Gil, which Quitis quickly turned over. She then shouted for Marci, or some name like that, to come and take the new client.  
  
Marci, Quitis noticed, was a 50 or so year old women with choppy grey hair and a drawing to anything grey, as seen in her grey shirt, pants and silver jewelry.  
  
"Hello, I'm Marci," she smiled pleasantly and shook Quitis's hand, "A cut and color my dear?"  
  
Quitis nodded. Marci took off in the direction of a chair at the back of the parlor. Quitis followed close behind and realized that Marci was trying to give her some privacy.  
  
"Thanks, I couldn't bear the stares," she mumbled quietly.  
  
"Its nothing dear. Now what would you like done with your hair?" She smiled into the mirror.  
  
Quitis took a seat in the chair and spoke lightly, "Anything as long as I don't look the same."  
  
Marci made no noise after that, giving Quitis the much needed silence she craved. However an hour later a new Quitis emerged.  
  
She had allowed Marci to chop her hair off into a short bob and dye it deep brown [sorry if you liked Quitis being blonde, she needed to change her look drastically]. It looked good but Quitis felt bare. When she stared in the mirror she could hardly recognize herself.  
  
Although she couldn't quite relax with her new hair, she was sure no one would recognize her, no one whom didn't know her closely.  
  
'Hyne Quitis, why are you so worked up, it was only hair,' she scolded herself as she left the parlor. The whispers stopped, or at least were no longer directed at her. She had been walking only ten minutes when she noticed a sign in a nightclub window, 'The Dollet NightLife';  
  
'HELP WANTED inquire within'  
  
Quitis took it as a sign from above. Despite what she had heard about an increasing market for jobs in Dollet, this was the first sign she had seen advertising a need for human labor. She uncomfortably patted down her hair and entered the bubble frosted door.  
  
The club was clad in black and white. It look expensive, she sighed to herself hoping that it paid as well as it looked to. The floor was paneled in black plastic, walls alternating between frost black glass with lights behind it and white glass, several other glass sheets scattered the sunken dance floor.  
  
There was nobody in sight.  
  
"Hello, Hello, I've come to ask about the job offering in the window," she shouted clearly. Nobody popped out from behind the glass paneling as Quitis had half expected someone to. She waited a minute and turned to leave when someone rushed inside the door knocking her down.  
  
Someone outside shouted 'STOP THEIF!' And Quitis started struggling to get out from underneath the accused person who was on top of her.  
  
She would have started screaming had it not been for the persons leather gloved hand tightly covering her mouth. She was terrified, pinned down on the ground and not able to speak. She continued to struggle but the person was too heavy. 'Hyne I wish I had my whip.'  
  
Whoever had been screaming outside had passed the door and lost the thief, causing the body on top of her to roll off cautiously, still keeping Quitis quiet with their palm.  
  
Quitis of course stood up at the first available moment, shouted, "What the hell!" And kicked the person, who she noticed was guy, exactly where he did not want to be kicked, you guessed it.  
  
It was then of course, when he had fallen to the ground groaning, when she recognized him.  
  
Her eyes grew wide with shock, Seifer Alamsay. Both of her hands went up to her head and pulled through her hair, a common gesture she used while stressed. Now her hair was much to short to really comfort her.  
  
Seifer looked up from the ground into the eyes of someone he almost recognized, but not quite, he couldn't quite get it down. "Hyne I wasn't going to fucking hurt you, you were just in the way!" he shouted as if he had planned it.  
  
"Well you could've gotten off me Seifer," she paused, he obviously had no clear recollection of her from the unrelated look in his eyes, but now he knew he had been found out. Quitis should have recognized him when she had a clear view of the fire-cross on a grey jacket arm while pinned to the ground.  
  
"Why did you call me by my first name," he stared inquisitively, wondering why the girl hadn't ran like hell yet. He stood up waiting for the reply.  
  
"What do you mean, there are pictures of you everywhere, Seifer Alamsay? Right," she spoke uneasily.  
  
Surprisingly he ran his hand through his blonde hair just as Quitis had attempted before speaking, "No its just people usually address me as that fucking traitor, lapdog or the incompetent night, something along those lines, I just ignore them anyways, bastards."  
  
Quitis had heard all of these names before, and many more, people seemed to have made it a pass time to think up embarrassing and degrading names for Seifer, she just never thought he heard them. Seifer was forgiven of the killings, said to be (willingly) under Ultemecia's control, and he was expelled from the Garden, some say paroled. No one had heard from him since.  
  
"Well I'll call you Seifer," I said quickly. She pondered why Seifer was in Dollet, such a quiet city.  
  
"Don't fucking talk like you know me, I'd rather a stranger call me anything but that," Seifer bellowed trying to intimidate the girl. He was thinner now, loosing his fat almost all together, whatever little there had been of it. He gave the appearance of someone harder, he was leaner then before, unshaven and his eyes seemed to have darkened.  
  
"Fine," oh how she wanted to tell him who she was, but that would bring too many questions she didn't want to answer, "Why were you running?"  
  
"Why the hell would I tell you, why the hell am I talking to you," he stormed off into the back of the club. Quitis heard some distant voices and a man emerged from the door at the back.  
  
He was about 6'5, well built and 20 something years old. He appeared intimidating, black eyes, black hair, sharp features, but his instant smile changed that perception as he went up to meet Quitis.  
  
"Hello, I'm Nex, I own this club, sorry I was busy when I heard you before," he stuck out a hand which Quitis shook, looking up at him from a foot below.  
  
"Quitis, Quitis Trepe, I was wondering about the job opening," she tried to smile as she flipped her hair back over to its respective sides. She realized she must've looked like shit, seeing as she was just knocked to the ground by a fleeing criminal, "Sorry about my appearance, someone just." She paused and noticed Seifer staring out from the door at the back of the club, smirking and mouthing 'instructor' at her. She glared past the man, which only made Seifer's grin intensify mockingly.  
  
"Seifer right, Seifer just did something," Nex added knowingly, Nex had known Seifer ever since he had retreated to Dollet a year ago, "Just ignore him. Our job openings for a bartender, basic bartender, you'd just be getting straight drinks, beers, coolers, wine, things like that. We're desperate, so if you want the job, you're hired. Pay is 100 Gil a night plus tips and I can provide an apartment upstairs for a small rent."  
  
To Quitis, who was still glaring at Seifer, this sounded perfect, especially the rent. "Sure, when can I start?" she intently watched Nex, trying so very hard not to give Seifer the attention he craved.  
  
"Tonight would be great, and Seifer can show you the apartment, he's our bouncer. He lives here as well," at his intro Seifer walked out of the back door and up to Quitis. At Seifers' arrival Nex departed with a quick wave and shouted 'be here at 9'o'clock sharp.'  
  
"Knew I recognized you instructor," he snickered, for no apparent reason, what was so evil about that? He wondered why he tried to make everything an insult.  
  
"I'm not an instructor anymore Seifer, thanks to you, and I'm not even SeeD so stop calling me that," she spoke coldly.  
  
"Fine, instructor, seems like I'll be forced to see a lot of you," his smile was gone, maybe he was really trying to be kind before, in his own demented way. "Follow me." At his last word he turned and walked through the door at the back of the club, which happened to open into a huge computer room and electric room. He continued to walk towards a black staircase in the back of the room and eventually ran up it. The second story was all a warm orange tone, lined with apartment doors, about seven of them.  
  
"You get number 2," he slipped a key out of his sleeve and opened the door. Somehow it was not comforting to Quitis that Seifer was her indirect landlord.  
  
Quitis practically screeched when he opened the door to a cream colored room. It was simply laid out, bedroom, small kitchen, bathroom, but all of it reminded her of the dress, and the night. She walked in expecting Seifer to leave and laid down on the bed, "Welcome to reoccurring hell Quitis."  
  
"What did you say," Seifer questioned loudly from the doorframe.  
  
"Leave the key on the kitchen counter," she mumbled exhausted, "Now go away."  
  
Surprisingly Seifer didn't put up a fight. He knew that was not close to what she said, but why did he care. He simply obeyed and left.  
  
And for the first time in days, Quitis Trepe slept and could think of no reason why. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- Note: Insanely not happy about this chapter, seems really forced [^ pretty dotted line] *its getting updated to fast because I finished one and two before I started posting. This chapters weird, should I redo it where Seifer doesn't recognize her? Or they meet a different way, not extremely inspired at the moment, the mysterious meeting kind of overdone. 


	4. Chapter 4 [no title]

**Thanks to all people who review!**   


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Chapter 4

  


~*~

  
The light cascaded in through the window, setting about a red hue to fill the room. There was a stillness surrounding the sleeping beauty, one that could only be peace. It may have been the profound sleep she was encased in, but it may have been that during sleep you feel nothing and nothing is quite peaceful. 

  
If anyone had been awake in the room they would have been startled at the abrupt shattering of the warmth when a fist started to rap violently at the door. However the sleeping women, too deep in dreams, never even trembled. It wasn't until the shouting began that she was awakened. 

  
For a moment she was confused, slightly disoriented at the sudden movement of her surroundings, the sudden reality. Slowly however she found herself able to concentrate on the phrases being shouted through the door. "Work starts in ten minutes," the low shout penetrated the door with awesome force, she almost found herself covering her ears. 

  
Suddenly everything became too real, the cream room, the shouting, life. She sighed and listened once more to the mans shouts before finally responding. It seemed to have taken that time to gather her thoughts. 

  
"Seifer, I'll be down in a few minutes, stop screaming," she rubbed her temples, wishing so that she could slip back into the warm embrace of the stillness, nothingness. The screaming halted and large cumbersome footsteps were heard pounding down the dimly lit hallway behind the door. 

  
The new brunette clumsily swung her legs off the side of the bed and scooted down off it, shivering as two bare feet hit the cool ground. Quistis was unable to quite remember the details of the afternoon but could vaguely recall her run in with Seifer and being hired by a man name Nex. 

  
Her slim body ached as she stretched her arms upwards, much like a cat. Instantly it became obvious she had only slept for a couple hours. Mumbling to herself she quickly scanned the room. 

  
It was a mid-sized apartment, painted all beige and barely separated into rooms. The kitchen was not much more then four squared feet of counter space, an old style pea green locking fridge and overly abused brown stove nestled in between. Nothing seemed to match in the room. A washroom door came from a large square sized protrusion in the wall, and the bed she had been laying on was no more then a mattress propped off the floor on several wooden blocks. She looked to the empty expanse where the living room should be and was suddenly startled by the sound of music pumping below. It hit with enough force to make the floor shake. 

  
Half expecting a monster to pop out from beneath the floor Quistis retreated to the mattress, suddenly realizing her stupidity. _Hyne, control yourself, you're a bartender now, not a mercenary, not everyone wants to kill you, _ pausing she rephrased her thoughts, _ not the same people want to kill you._

  
Hit with the sudden realization she didn't have her uniform she tiptoed to the door, ignoring the consistent humming and base coming from the floor. Her muscles ached with each movement she forced them to make, it was going to be a laborious night. She slowly gripped the doorknob, somewhat unable to tightly clutch it. She cursed herself for indulging in sleep before her first night of work, short sleep always led to more fatigue. She sighed pulling open the door to hear a hanger clanking on the other side. 

  
She stared as the door opened inward revealing a short black dress with spaghetti straps and white accent stripes. She hadn't been expecting something quite so revealing, she had noticed that the club looked classy, but felt no need to argue with the manager; at least it didn't have a tail. Slothily she moved her hand up to grasp the uniform, returning back inside to change quickly, emerging five minutes later looking tired as hell in a perfectly fitting black dress and white sneakers, the only pair of shoes she owned at the moment. 

  


~*~

  
Seifer sat in the empty club, drinking a rum and coke. He had just woken up Quistis for work, specifically waiting until she would have barely enough time to get ready. He cursed at himself for it, taking another sip of his drink. He couldn't really understand why he despised her, not only that but why he went out of his way to show it, especially when he had found out what she was going through in a newspaper he had stolen from a stand. 

  
_ Hyne, why in the world did I even steal it, I make enough money to buy a cheap newspaper,_ sighing to himself he pondered the explanation he was a kleptomaniac when Quistis emerged from the back of the club. 

  
Seifer looked up from the table to a very amusing picture; Quistis Trepe emerging from the backdoor brown hair disheveled, bags under eyes and horribly distracting shoe wear. He would have laughed naturally had he not pitied her. Cursing at himself, he forced a dry laugh, staring at her openly as if to get the point across. 

  
Seifer realized his first mistake when she gave him the glare which held the pain of a tossed away women, she was not in a good mood. He realized his second mistake when she actually sent mild ice magic in his direction, shattering his drink into a million pieces. She hadn't lost her touch. 

  
"Don't mess with me Seifer," she continued to glare in his direction while shaking her head, trying to make her hair looked styled. She coldly walked down into the sunken dance floor and crossed over to the right side of the club, near where Seifer was sitting and coincidently the bar was located. The music had stopped thumping rhythmically and unfortunately they were engulfed in silence. 

  
Seifer attempted to sound unscathed by her power while collecting the now melted drink off the table, "I know why you're here." He waved a newspaper he had pulled out of his trench coat pocket smoothly in the air as if to accent his point. 

  
"Really Seifer, I thought you realized the whole world knew why I ran away," Quistis didn't bother to look up from the bar which she was trying to get comfortable with. 

  
This gesture, or really the lack therefore of got to him, he enjoyed respect, "Why do you have to act like that Quistis, like I'm not even high enough for you to acknowledge?" 

  
Quistis peered up over the bar, slamming a cup down, "Why do you think I should respect you? You were the cause of the loss of my beloved job, you tried to kill me; twice, and you weren't strong enough to resist you dream for the greater good." 

  
Seifer seemed to be getting redder with each word and when she paused at the end he stood and stomped over to the bar, firmly clasping onto the counter, "You don't ever say anything like that again, okay fuck you, I am the reason you lost your job? Maybe you just weren't able to teach me, pass the blame on Quistis hey? At least I fought for what I believed was right. I bet you find yourself the victim now Quistis, right? Not that Rinoa is off somewhere contemplating death because of you, you sure as hell weren't able to resist Squall for the greater good!" Then Seifer saw something that shattered his world, the Ice queen broke down and started to sob. He watched her cross the dance floor and head to the back door. At first he felt the urge to run after her, to say something to make her feel better. He, of course, realized he was the source of her pain. 

  
Running his hand through his disheveled blonde hair Seifer took his position outside of the club in front of the full line and wished that it had never happened. 

  


~*~

  
Quistis ran after hearing Seifer, ran with her head in hands, avoiding the two humans she had not met yet in the hallway. She slammed into her bedroom door, fumbling for the key and fell to the ground, sobbing. She never did reach her room, instead she breathed in the dusty carpet, banging her head into the orange walls. 

  
_Mother of all, why do I feel pain…why do I cause it…why am I fed it? Why did I blame Seifer? I invoked it, prodding, blaming, accusing. How do we all forget our faults, pass the terror onto others, keep the joy for ourselves? Hyne, dear Hyne, you have listened to me only once before, please answer me once again…_ she sobbed once more, half expecting Seifer to come to her for some reason. Suddenly she felt an arm around her shoulders, slightly ashamed she turned her head to face the arms owner. 

  
The man was about a couple years older then Quistis. His hair was short and reddish, wild, he was built like Seifer and his eyes almost lilac, his air and eyes contrasted abruptly, especially in the harsh overhead light. Quistis stared quite bewildered at the man, tears still streaming down her cheeks. He must have noticed this because he removed his arm quickly, however remained there, crouched on the floor beside Quistis. 

  
Quistis wiped away her tears, quite unsuccessfully as they continued to fall. "Who are you?" she struggled to communicate through the steady stream of anguish. 

  
"Umm, your neighbor, Menka," he replied rather cheerfully for finding a sobbing girl in the hallway before apartment 2. Menka readjusted himself so he was seated beside Quitis who was bent over on her knees. 

  
"I'm, I'm, Quistis," she found it hard to admit she was herself, "I'm sorry, am I bothering you or something?" 

  
At the last suggestion Menka smiled, looking as if a bomb dropped on his house couldn't bother him and spoke peacefully, "Not at all, but something seems to be bothering you." He had this slightly off aura that radiated happiness. 

  
"Nothing anybody can help with, its something I did to myself," she struggled to smile faintly but failed miserably. Menka reached for the fallen key in front of Quistis and stood. He quickly opened the door and helped Quistis to her feet, hauling her inside. 

  
He set her down on the side of the mattress and promptly took a seat next to her, noticing she seemed not to want to be alone, "Are you THAT Quistis?" He prompted, watching her slowly meet his gaze and nod. 

  
Menka sat there, waiting for Quistis to halt her crying, for half an hour, sensing she didn't want to talk anymore. When she finally came through he still sat there, waiting for her to say something. He seemed to have a knack for people, which Quistis duly noted. 

  
"I'm sorry Menka, I'm a terrible host, and I'm sorry for dumping this on you," she smiled, eyes still reddened and tears yet to dry on her cheeks. 

  
"Don't worry about me," he looked solemnly at her, "now if your feeling better I believe we both should get to work." 

  
Quistis shook her head slowly in remembrance, she had caused Menka and herself to miss the first half hour of work, "I hope I'm not fired, I haven't been able to find work anywhere else." 

  
"Oh, your not fired, you see, I'm the manager, and I wouldn't fire you because your sad as hell," he smiled as if nothing had just happened. 

  


~*~

  
It was four in the morning when Seifer was done his job, the club had been cleared out, no rowdy customers had caused problems and he was still thinking about Quistis. When he entered the club he found his mind beckoning him to go see if she was alright. Seifer was never one to go on instincts, however he felt surprisingly bad for what he had done, something he hadn't even felt after learning he tried to kill Quistis. 

  
To his surprise the only person in the club was Menka, who he dutifully approached to announce he was retiring to his room. 

  
"Slow night, going now," he was never really much for words, plus Menkas' annoying all-knowing attitude really got to Seifer who constantly found himself confused. 

  
Menka looked up from some papers he was viewing behind the bar and simply answered, "she's in her apartment." 

  
Seifer felt the need to punch him, although he had simply pointed him in the right direction. He was used to his over drive of violent urges however and let it pass. Instead of argue with Menka for nor real reason, as he would have done in the past, he stomped off. 

  


~*~

  
Quists was sitting alone in her apartment, writing in her journal, scribbling down all the random thoughts which came to her head. She had so many things to think about. She couldn't live in constant fear someone would bring up the painful subject of the garden, on the party, or Squall. She had filled up two whole pages of her journal when someone knocked on her door. 

  
There was a knock again and then a voice. "Quistis, its Seifer, are you there?" he tried to sound softer, however ended up sounding harsh anyways. 

  
"Why are you here," she shouted, stashing her journal underneath the mattress of her bed. She didn't want anyone to find it, especially Seifer, there was so much he could use against her hidden within its pages. 

  
"Hyne, Quistis, I just want to talk," he sounded exasperated, stressing each word carefully. 

  
Quistis contemplated whether or not she felt like speaking, but decided that Seifer wanting to have a civil conversation may be a once in a lifetime offer, "come in, but only if you'll talk politely." 

  
She listened as he paused outside the door, wondering if he could possibly do so, but suddenly the unlocked doorknob turned and Seifer walked in, mumbling 'I'll try'. He stood there by the door, looking at his shoes for a couple minutes. 

  
"You wished to talk Seifer, please do so," Quistis calmly spouted. 

  
Seifer reached up and scratched the top of his head, mumbling something inaudible at the floor. 

  
"I didn't catch that." 

  
Seifer mumbled once again. 

  
"Hmmmm," she spoke quite bravely now. 

  
"I SAID I'M SORRY," Seifer yelled, turning to exit the room and slamming the door behind him. 

  
Quistis fished her journal out from underneath the mattress, she suddenly has so much more to write about. 

  


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Note: my formats prettier now...am going to include jealousy, bitterness and all that good stuff to make it all interesting...I update very quickly...maybe this is why I don't get more sleep. 


	5. 'Outcasts...'

**Special thanks to all the nice people who review!**

  
I don't own ff8 (as you all probably know)! I do own a measly collection of vinyls and obsession with peaunut butter, mmmm peanut butter....   


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Chapter 5

  


**~*~**

  
Seifer sat, watching tiny bits of dust perform their ballet in the early light. He loved to do this, sit and watch the light in total peace. Sleep had become strenuous, deep dark memories poured themselves into his dreams, reawakened nightmares. This was all a constant reminder of his weakness, as Quistis had pointed out before. 

  
Seifer, however, had felt the need to point out her own weakness, learning too late that the wounds were still very fresh. The blonde sighed, sitting up in bed, watching the dust flutter around him and ultimately falling onto the plush black comforter on his bed. 

  
He hadn't had an undisturbed sleep since before Ultimecia, before his crimes. He could always feel the blood stains on his hands, the screams ringing in his ears; they never ceased to be heard. Women, children, anyone who got in his way, in the Sorceress' way. At first after the wars he was arrested, hated by all, exiled to a remote prison, built for the sole purpose of keeping him away from anyone and everyone who might kill him. He half chuckled, that was everyone. 

  
Of course that was when Matron came forward, pleading it unfair not to understand Seifer. Seifer thought this odd, for even he could not understand his actions. Matron persisted, asking why one soul could be forgiven and another tossed away. She told stories of how she remembered Ultimecia's forms of mind control, clearly executed on Seifer. 

  
This bugged Seifer, he always thought it was the simple way of saying he was too weak to see the dream she was giving him was not real. A truth in itself, but he didn't like his weakness pointed out, especially not in the newspaper. Eventually an anonymous jury found Seifer to be under a form of mind control, 'willingly', but yet unaccountable for his actions. When he was first released he ran as far as he could, to live in the Trabia mountains. Unfortunately he was found and chased out. 

  
Which landed him in sleepy little Dollet, living over a club owned by his friend Nex. When he had first arrived Nex hired Seifer simply for the controversy, but then found him very useful, nobody would dare threaten Seifer at the door. Seifer breathed heavily, wondering how everything could seem great for him and he was still so down. 

  
Maybe the saddest thing about Seifer was for all the pain he held, he had never felt love. 

  


**~*~**

  
Seifer ran his hand through his hair impulsively before lighting a cigarette. Raijin and Fuijin had just called to tell him they were in town and they had decided to meet up down at the beach. That's when he saw them. 

  
He stopped walking for a moment, throwing his unused lit cigarette on the ground and crushing it with the heel of his boots. There, standing in front of him at a housewares store, were Nex and Quistis. 

  
The site wouldn't have been so awe inspiring had Nex's arm been at his side instead of around Quistis' shoulder and they both wouldn't have been giggling. Seifer shook off the odd feeling of discontentment and continued to walk right past them. 

  
_ It's been a week since she came,_ Seifer picked through the situation, trying to find what exactly his dilemma with the couple could be, _ It was eventual, right? She was going to get together with someone, and who knows, maybe she was friends with him before this? I haven't even talked to her since I said I was sorry. They might not even be a couple, they might just be shopping together, for furniture, that Nex will probably pay for._

  
Seifer had always been prided himself on his mind, along with other things, but now he found it running around the point of the matter and it bugged him. As he continued to the beach all he could think about was Quistis and furniture and why the combination bugged him so much. 

  


**~*~**

  
They had been shopping for about an hour when Nex had announced he had a meeting, leaving Quistis with a pocket full of someone else's cash and an apartment to furnish. The morning had been great; they had laughed the whole time, talking as they went. It was just when Nex put his arm around her she felt kind of empty. That was around the time she had smelt Seifer, smelt being the opportune word. He had this certain musky scent, half his own and a bit of cigarette smoke and cologne. She instantly became more uncomfortable knowing Seifer had seen them, and so she started to shy away. This is what lead directly to the meeting announcement, maybe Nex had noticed her reaction to Seifer's presence. 

  
She handed over a wad of cash to a cashier and gathered the lamp off the counter, turning to leave. Shopping on your own is not half as much fun as with a friend and she had been at it for hours, finally deciding to retreat homeward where Nex had dropped off all she had bought up to the point when he left. 

  
She sighed, uncomfortably shifting the lamp onto her right hip. She shoved her back into the door of the shop, pressing all her weight against it. The door opened on its own, causing Quistis to fall flat on her back, risking permanent spinal injuries over breaking the lamp. 

  
"Instructor, you should watch where your going," Seifer sneered looking down upon the fallen Quistis for a moment before reaching a hand downwards to pull her up. 

  
Quistis looked at the hand suspiciously before handing it the lamp. If she knew one thing about Seifer it was to always second-guess his motives. Seifer groaned, taking the lamp easily into one hand and watching Quistis get up off the dusty doormat. 

  
"What are you doing here," she questioned, shaking off the dust clinging to her back. 

  
"Just walking around, looking for flowers, tea sets, you know that kind of stuff," he smiled mockingly at her, "I saw you earlier." 

  
Quistis sighed, she had been hoping in the slimmest that he hadn't noticed them before, but what harm could it do, "Yeah, I've been shopping all day. Could you do me a favor?" She looked pleadingly at Seifer, knowing all too well this wouldn't make the slightest difference. 

  
"What's in it for me?" 

  
"Nothing Seifer, okay? I'm flat broke and I can't carry that dumb lamp. I just thought you might be able to take it home with me, if your going that way," she spoke coldly, Seifer always seemed to want something, like a spoiled child. 

  
"Hyne, I was just asking, fine. But then I get coffee at your place," he looked at her dead serious. So serious in fact she laughed, causing Seifer to fake dropping the glass lamp and watch her expression. He sighed relief as he passed the attention on to Quistis. 

  
"Fine," she looked serious now as well. The pair started walking towards the club, which was situated on the other side of town. 

  


**~*~**

When they finally arrived at Quistis' apartment there had been an hour of silence. Both had been keeping to themselves, hiding what they felt necessary. Quistis fumbled for the key awhile before opening the door. 

  
Seifer stared in for awhile, slightly in awe of the transformation it had made. In a week the cream walls had been painted deep red, white furniture had been purchased and an assortment of lamps made the built in lighting unneeded. He quickly noticed his lack of movement and jumped in the room, trying not to show appreciation. 

  
"Do you like it," Quistis turned and smiled at him from the position she had taken in the kitchen. 

  
Seifer paused, the room was red, very red, so in typical Seifer style, "It's very red." Decorating was simply not his thing. 

  
Quistis continued on fidgeting in the kitchen, stopping only once to tell Seifer where to put the lamp he had been carrying. Seifer found it easy to make himself at home and took a seat on one of the bright white couches. He didn't really like the room in particular, but he admired its straight-forward nature. The white was a little extreme, especially against the blood red of the walls. 

  
When Quistis had finished making the coffee, as Seifer had soon realized, she walked over with a tray and took a seat across from Seifer on the opposing couch. She placed the tray, filled with cream, sugar, a mug of tea and a mug of coffee, on the coffee table between the two couches. 

  
"Didn't know how you like your coffee," she spoke somewhat pleasantly, still getting over Seifers' lack of commenting on what she believed to be an awesome transformation. 

  
"Black, just black," he reached down to grab the mug of coffee off the tray, "So, how are you liking Dollet?" He winced at the commonness in his words. He had never spoken like this before, not in such a prefabricated sentence kind of way. He was used to getting his point across, hence his drawing to Fuijins' wonderfully eccentric expression of emotion. He didn't like to sound all gooey and into other people. 

  
Quistis grabbed the tea off the tray and took a sip before answering, "Oh, its okay. Better then staying at the garden." She watched Seifers' reaction as he smiled knowingly. For that moment she somewhat found the connections between the two. They had always been to cold to one another, but in reality they were so much alike. They were both used, they both could be cold, they both were 'outcasts'. Quistis rolled the word around on her tongue, that's what they were. Outcasts; No longer accepted in society. 

  
She opened her mouth to share her revelation but found the words hard to come by. How could she tell the one she pretends to despise that she feels like an equal towards him. It didn't really matter now because Seifer seemed to be thinking the same thing. 

  
He smiled again, "You know Quistis, were a lot alike. Don't laugh, its true." He was still smiling when he finished, but Quistis knew he was speaking from somewhere deep inside, somewhere untapped. 

  
"Yea," she half mumbled at the floor, "I guess we are." She paused and collected her wits. She had just claimed, out loud, that she and Seifer Alamsay we're alike. "So, Almasay, why did you come to Dollet, this town just doesn't seem very you?" The quick adding of Almasay was meant to dehumanize him, she had scared herself back there, letting herself relate to someone so unstable. 

  
"Hmm, I don't know? It's a slow town, and was just passing through and I saw a help wanted sign. I came inside and was hired on the spot, seemed like a good deal," he reached up and scratched his head, "You must know how insanely hard it is to get by when everybody has their own opinions of you." His face had gone stark, smile faded, looking completely serious. 

  
Quistis almost had to hit herself, the only time she had seen Seifer this serious was when he was under Ultimecia's control. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it so she started to talk without thinking, "Yeah, guess that's why I tried to disguise myself. You know trick people into thinking it wasn't me, avoid attention." She sighed deeply, drawing Seifers' attention, "I can't even imagine what its like for you." 

  
He looked serious, still be completely still, no anger seemed to flare, "I don't need your pity Quisty. I can deal with it on my own." 

  
Quistis brought her eyes up to his level, he was staring at the ground. In that one look she knew he couldn't, that he was lying, putting up an impenetrable shield. He hadn't called her that since they were at the orphanage, and she hadn't been expecting it here. It gave such warmth to his words, changing it from a warning to a calling out for help. He noticed the silence and looked up. She looked at him noticing a whole new depth. His green eyes, much richer then before, holding much more sentiment and pain. His blonde hair fell stiffly from its roots, rough, he probably didn't care. 

  
He gave a weak smile, "What are you looking at?" He asked this more playfully, less like the ordinary threatening voice he embraced. He stared back at her, still getting used to her brown hair. She looked beautiful, her blue eyes held so much warmth, untapped, hidden from the world. He wished he could reach out and touch her hair, but he couldn't. He had decided a long time ago that he couldn't connect with people, it would only lead to pain for both. 

  
She smiled, shyly, "Apparently not much." 

  
Seifer growled, a slightly mocking threat, "Your one to talk." He laughed lightly, thinking, _ Hyne Quistis, I've gone bezerk. I think I've fallen for you._

  
"You better go, I have a date tonight." She watched the playful smile drain from his face. He took another sip of the coffee before replacing it on the tray. "No, you can take it to your apartment, give it to me tomorrow or something," she tried to rekindle that faint memory of a smile, not a smirk, a true smile. 

  
He nodded politely and rose from his seat, grabbing the coffee with his right hand, "Have fun tonight, we have work tomorrow." At this Seifer walked out of the room, leaving Quistis to wonder what in the world had gotten into him. 

  
**

~*~

**

  
The date had been okay. Quistis and Nex had gone to 'La Boheme', a swanky restaurant on the richer side of Dollet. However, quite frankly, Quistis was happy the date was over. Nex was a nice guy but things just didn't seem to fit. 

  
There wasn't any type of connection. His dark eyes seemed emotionless, his hand so smooth and cold, as if they had never worked a day. He simply didn't appeal to Quistis, she was used to guys who grew muscles taking down a T-Rexasaur, not lifting weights at an uptown gym. Never the less she had let Nex walk her up to her apartment. 

  
They were standing at the door when Nex kissed her, lightly on the lips, causing Quistis to almost shudder involuntarily. Leaning back she spoke, "I had a nice time." 

  
"Yeah, so, you'll call me," he asked politely. Quistis nodded thinking, _ Yes but only because I can't break your heart in person._

  
Nex turned to leave, Quistis moved into her apartment, neither had noticed Seifer staring out from a crack in the door of apartment door 6. 

  


**~*~**

  
"QUISTIS, QUISTIS," a mans voice was franticly screaming through the door. 

  
Quistis sat up groggily, unfocused eyes making the world spin around her. Someone was screaming her name. She recognized it a second later, it was her friend Menka. Menka had now started pounding intently on the door 

  
Sensing the urgency in his voice she jumped out of bed and slowly gripped the door knob, opening it to Menka's disturbed looking face. 

  
"What's wrong?" Quistis looked concerned for the normally mellow man, she pushed down a ruffle in the right side of her grey sleeping gown. 

  
"Just wash up quick, I'll explain in the car, we're going to the hospital," Menka continued to stand outside the door, "come on now! Its serious!" 

  


~*~

  
Menka had taken Quistis downstairs to his car and they were now driving to Dollet Regional Hospital. Quistis couldn't help feeling the solemn fog hanging in the air. It had only taken him a few seconds to speak. 

  
"Its Seifer, he was in the club all night. He was drunk out of his mind. He was so out of it. He had some girl hanging off his arm. Well, he said he was going out, somewhere else. I couldn't really follow, he was so out of it. I told him to stay but he wouldn't, I tried to stop him, but he just pushed past me. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to let him go, he thought he was a bloody crusador or something, waving around his gunblade like it was nothing to chop someones' head off." 

  
Quistis interrupted Menka's jumbled ranting, "So then what happened, did he get in a fight?" She had just made peace with Seifer, maybe even persay felt connected to him, all to have it torn apart by his stupid binge. In reality she had no depth of exactly how far Seifer had taken the connection, for it was the same thing that had broken him the night before. Seifer was drunk because he had fallen for Quistis, and he had just seen her kiss another man. 

  
"He was in a car accident, he basically drove his car off a bloody cliff, dumb bastard," Menka talked seriously, so concentrated on the road. 

  
"How bad, he's still alive right?" Quistis was scared now, she drove him to do something so stupid. 

  
"Bad, not dead, he's in a comma, broken ribs, tons of stitches, leg broken two places, and it goes on and on. That was all the hospital said when they phoned the club this morning, you know seeing as he has no family" Menka went on as Quistis dozed in and out of dreamy hope, she saw everything working out okay. Things were just starting to look up, why would Seifer do this?   


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Notes: OOoooOOOoO..fancy...Seifer's a drunken maniac...hurray...well that all happened too quickly...Seifer's so disturbingly cute...hes like a morphed person...hes hard to keep in character but everybody is different around the person their in love with or falling for, so allow me some creative room...I'll be leaving for vacation soon so I won't update for a while...................... 


	6. WAKE UP!

**AIH thanks to all the lovely people who leave me lovely reviews!!!! Sorry it took soooOOOoooo long, I was on vacation for two weeks so I should be forgiven, please!**   


I don't own ff8 but I do like jam!   


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How do you do this? How do you explain to yourself that death is lingering around someone you care for? Almost care for at least. It's impossible, our minds make it. It can take months for some of us to realize a loved one is really gone, imagine if they were still physically here? Its damn near impossible.   


Quistis was sitting at Seifer's bedside grasping his hand. Be it out of pity or real caring she was there now. Seifer was being pulled out of the ER as her and Menka had arrived and had been placed in general care pending the miracle he had no internal bleeding. She looks up sneakily at his face, its almost like he can see her. He's immensely bloody, scratches cover his whole face, none, however, deeper then the symbolic scar on his forehead.   


How did he get that? She can't remember it all that well. She recalls him injuring Squall in a mock battle but he never reported the cause of the scar. It's a gundblade scar, it must be from Squall. She sighed thinking of Seifer nursing the wound in private, too damn full of himself to admit he was hurt.   


A slight sound resounds from the covered half of the room, then an unidentified voice begins to speak, "Are you his girl," The voice was a little shrill but defiantly female. Quistis slowly got up and walked over to the other bed, dropping Seifer's hand, she saw it was a blonde girl with brown eyes and several small wounds, probably from the wreck.   


"No, were you with him in the crash," she questioned and answered all together.   


"Yeah, I know, I know, going with a drunk guy in a car, what was I thinking, I've learnt my lesson. He's just so irresistible," she smiled through a missing tooth. Quistis wondered why the hell she got off so easily, a missing tooth, a few stitches? Seifer drew in a loud breath across the room, she jumped and looked back at him. "Even with his head in the toilette puking up his guts," Quistis added somewhat delayed but still satirically.   


"Your not his girl?" the young woman questioned her again, receiving a nod. "So it's safe to tell you my name, you won't hurt me?" another nod, "Its Stacey."   


"Stacey," Quistis repeated to herself, she seemed like one of the girls Quistis had always pictured Seifer being with, slightly bimbo like, lacking judgment and repetitive in her speech, "Can you tell me what happened before the crash?"   


Stacey looked at her blankly, obviously she had been drunk as well and couldn't recall that much. Quistis sighed and pulled back the curtain that divided the room in two so they could speak. It didn't seem like Seifer would be talking for a while and she needed to remain sane. She reclaimed her seat at Seifer's side and once again picked up his hand. The doctors said stimulation is a good bet in his awakening, and so far he was off the ventilator. Quistis couldn't, however, help cringing and worrying every time he drew in a long gasping breath.   


"So, I know this is stupid, but you look kind of like Quistis Trepe. And your friend here, he looks like…like the infamous Seifer," she waited for a response and got only a solemn nod from Quistis. The girl gasped causing Quistis to stare up and see if Seifer had stopped breathing. She slowed her fast breathing quickly and looked over extremely annoyed at Stacey.   


She glared at her for scaring her half to death the spoke dryly, "Sorry, you want my life story?"   


"Must be better then sitting here watching that tree branch outside my window," Stacey said once again with her perky yet calm tone of voice. She seemed to miss the sarcasm and anger in Quistis voice.   


The infamous mistress drew a deep breath and then realized Stacey would never be off her back, so she began to speak, "just don't sell it to a newspaper or anything, okay? And don't tell anyone about Seifer, he's in enough shit." She waited for the absurdly smiley girl to nod. You had to wonder why she was quite so happy with Seifer right there in the room clinging to dear life. "You've probably heard all about it eh? Their stories? Its my own fault, I kind of became a massive recluse after that night. The thing with Squall, that desperate, needy, stupid thing with Squall… I still don't quite get it. It was like this unconditional love, anything with no boundary is stupid. He treated me like shit. He lied and said Rinoa kicked him out and they were getting a divorce and that he loved me more… It was all lies. After that I moved here and found myself working with Seifer. He never changed much, not really, he just got worse and worse at hiding it…" She trailed off in to what seemed like another pause but never resumed speaking. Instead she stared down at Seifer's distressed hand. It was calloused as always, but now it had a slight gash upon it. She had never really appreciated the hard worn hands of a mercenary before, they were all she knew, but now they seemed comforting, like something earned by strength. Her thoughts ran again, _ and this is the hand with which the Sorceress killed a thousand._ She dropped the hand at the shock of the sudden thought and looked up into the bewildered eyes of Stacey.   


"You okay," she looked genuinely concerned for Quistis who had suddenly shook and dropped the mans hand looking quite disturbed.   


Quistis stared puzzled for a moment then responded, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be…I just hope he'll be okay." If Seifer could sense sound he was smiling inside. If not for the comedy of Quistis simply caring at least for the fact that she cared about him specifically.   


"I can tell you all that I remember," Stacey looked at Quistis in a somewhat apologetic way. Quistis nodded.   


~*~

  


It had been three hours since Quistis has arrived at the hospital, visibly shaken by the thought of Seifer's condition, and two hours since she had began talking with Stacey, the girl who was in the wreck with Seifer.   


"You know what," Quistis couldn't help sighing once more, "I can quite comprehend Seifer trying to cause death to someone who he did not consider a threat. I mean, if he was driving off that cliff, was he really that comprehensive of the situation?"   


"I have no idea. I just know it was on purpose. I mean, damn, that cliff was way off the road," she looked thoughtfully down at her hands then smiled, "do you Quistis Trepe, have a soft spot for Seifer?" She seemed happy at the deduction she had made all on her own.   


The response was never really resonated from Quistis's voice box but the brunette looked down and half smiled at the floor, clearly sending out the message that there was at least a little truth to the statement. She could, however, not help being angry at Seifer for putting another person's life in grave danger for no reason.   


Truthfully what really stopped her from speaking was the loud banging on the hospital room door and the voice with thereafter penetrated its economical timber, "Is this Seifer's room, ya know?" Quistis almost recognized the voice pattern instantly and slowly rose from where she was firmly seated to open the door.   


One her way over she heard someone shout, "ANSWER!" She was completely prepared to open the door to Seifer's posse, and she uneventfully did. She half laughed to herself at how many poor patients rooms the pair had probably pounded on before reaching theirs.   


Fuijin hadn't changed much, in lieu of a new outfit, a slightly militaristic green ensemble, and slightly longer hair. Raijin however was quite different. He seemed to have long ditched his odd street style for more simple clothes, he however seemed not have lost his penchant for odd colors. His usually dumbfounded face was more grieving then anything and he seemed, older? Yeah, like he had seen more.   


The two stood in the hallway staring, shock lacing the air between them and the disavowed mistress. The last person they had been expecting to be at Seifer's side was his 'hated' rebel instructor. However, always quick to adapt to a new situation, the both pushed past her to the broken form of Seifer laying straight back in the hospital gurney farthest from the window.   


Quistis followed their wake and let Fuijin take the seat she had been using at his side before Raijin turned to speak to her, "um, instructor? Do you know how bad it is? They didn't tell us, being, ya know, who we are and all."   


Quistis gave the usually emotionless man a smile, but her eyes simply would not allow themselves to be pulled into the ordeal, "They don't know if he'll wake up." She watched the two people who had cared, at least in some way, for Seifer throughout the whole ordeal have hope clutched out from beneath them like a rug. "But, there are signs he's doing well; no ventilator, sometimes his hand will twitch a bit. He's been comatose for 8 hours; I only arrived here three hours ago. Apparently he made it off the ventilator somehow before I got here." The week smile tried to persist and survive among the pain, sadness and anger writhing about Quistis's face but failed.   


"OKAY?" Fuijin must have noticed the odd look overtaking Quistis's usually overbarren cold face. For someone who barely showed emotion it was quite an overwhelming amount of turmoil to see about her aura.   


"I just want him to be okay, I need him to be okay," Quistis withheld tears from plain view, snapping her head in the direction of the door. She could almost feel the sympathetic looks upon her back. She needed to get out of there and think.   


A quick glance at a map on the door provided the answer, a meditation garden in the courtyard.   


~*~

  


After fleeing the busy room Quistis found herself walking in the direction of the courtyard, following the carefully placed less then ornate signs hanging about the hospital corridors.   


The garden was beauty, beauty in a chaotic world, beauty in a strange place. Lush jade plants surrounded several benched areas, each spotted with birds of paradise and random sprinklings of lady slippers. Two of the three areas opened on to a small expanse of flower garden, however one opened on to a small stream. Quistis was drawn towards the white noise immediately and found herself completely ignoring the bench for a seat curled at the waters side, she has so much to think through.   


_ Dear Hyne, why do I keep worrying about Seifer, its all so sudden,_ her thoughts halted at their own coldness, but she continued to defend them silently to herself, _ there was a time, several times in fact, that I would have wished nothing more then for Seifer not to have existed. We are no better then the monsters, us mercenaries, kill, wound, defeat. All we tend to think of is the mayhem we can cause, and what for? A few mealy Gil, no life is worth a currency, a paper bill which will burn and crumble and be passed on so instantly. Life is so precious. Why did this never occur to me until now? Many a time I wished to halt my existence, free my soul, damn my soul, whatever be held in the stars._   


A tiny voice, maybe it was her conscience, heeded petty advice to itself, _You never gave up upon yourself? Maybe you have simply not given up upon Seifer. He is human, he deserves someone to believe he has some good within. _   


Her main and self directed stream of thought took over once more and began to ponder, _ Seifer, has anyone ever believed Seifer still had good within? Matron maybe, or was that just true pity to a twisted soul? His friends, they do not care if he is gentle or kind, they just care that he is him and that they have bonded on some level. Last night, when we were having coffee, I saw that…that vulnerability. I was stupid to ignore it, maybe my complete ignorance to the fact that Seifer was lost could have something to do with…_ Her thoughts were interrupted rather rudely from someone beckoning her name from the main courtyard beyond the shrubs and across the stream. The muffled voice continued to call her.   


Slightly angry at the voice for causing her sudden dissention from deep thought Quistis stood and walked slowly out of the closed area and came face to face with Menka who peering through the bushes trying to find her.   


The shock of seeing such a warm face almost frightened Quistis who was beginning to think that there was no end to the solitude and fake smiles brought about by so many others' expressions. She smiled without thinking and basked in it when he wrapped her in a warm friendly hug, "sunshine, my you're looking depressively old, its been what? Three hours?" Quistis almost giggled, knowing full well her face looked somewhere between grief, wisdom and desolate hopelessness.   


"And you? Thinking you look much better," she looked him up and down, "I know it was early when you got up but blue surf shirt, striped orange cargo pants and green flip-flops? Distress and panic are no excuse for a lack of matching clothing."   


When he smiled this time she noticed a slight twinge of sadness underneath the warm natured look. "I was just thinking, do you believe your going to be spending a lot of time here? I mean, until Seifer recovers," he added this is an more stretching tone then anything, like a mother who preaches to a child that their pet with the wandering nature will return.   


"Yeah, I mean…I doubt the Fuijin and Raijin will be able to stay long, they have separate lives, families probably," she trailed off at the end of the elongated sentence and waited to hear what Menka had to say. She was tired of being the only one to talk.   


"And so, through the magic of persuasion, I have scored you and extended vacation from work with blame placed upon high stress ordeals and caring for a hospitalized person. At least that's what I wrote on the legal note," he smiled in a wonderfully knowing manner and offered an armhole for Quistis to slip her hand through.   


"And that is why you're the best boss I have ever had the extreme pleasure of working with," she smiled faintly before linking arms with him. The pair made their way back to Seifer's room, slightly alleviated from the pain the morning had brought.   


~*~

  


The oddly radiant couple walked into the stark hospital room causing all conscious occupants to turn in their direction. They all were slightly perturbed and a little dishearten to see that Quistis was not involved with Seifer, but instead with the strange crazy looking man. However that was simply because they were not blessed with the knowledge that Menka was proudly gay and neither of them had any interest in one another besides a beautifully healthy friendship which formed quite quickly. [AN: I always wanted a sweet guy friend who wasn't perverted or always making unfair comparisons, guy you didn't ever have to put up a front for]   


Raijin opened his mouth to speak, quickly closing it with a glare from Fuijin who was now holding Seifer's hand quite lightly. To everyone who was aware of Fuijin's odd expressive speech the next phrase was an absolute shocker, "Raijin and I can't stay as long as we planned. We're really sorry." Quistis and Stacey looked towards the source of the soft speech and unexpectedly found Fuijin.   


Quistis, who by now was getting more used to shock then a person ever should be, quickly recovered and responded in a soft voice as well, "Don't worry, I'll be able to stay with him." Fuijin gave her a thankful smile, aware of the vulnerability Quistis must of noticed as much as she did when she glanced into Seifer's eyes at a rare weak moment.   


Menka gave Quistis a hug and made her promise to visit him, turning swiftly to leave the room masquerading as a menacing clown. Quistis turned to look once more at the extremely damaged Seifer then pulled a chair up next to where Fuijin had transplanted herself and they began to talk.   


~*~

  


Seven nights had passed since the rude awakening and crash had taken place. Each night things looked grimmer, statistics grew worse, the silence unbearable. In all truth Quistis had returned to her flat only for an hour at time, to shower, collect mail, petty things she was unable to do at the hospital. She had been eating at the cafeteria constantly and had taken a liking to sleeping outstretched on three aligned armless chairs. She had seen Stacey be released from the hospital, Raijin and Fuijins' departure as well as countless gasping reminders Seifer's condition.   


"Hyne this is getting worse, why couldn't life be so simple as to whip out a cure every time someone gets hurt," she of course knew wounds were not as simply dealt with and that injury inflicted by oneself, or another fully competent human being was impossible to simply zap away. Be it the lords way of telling us how our own insignificance and lack of integrity would be the one and only end to us. She squeezed Seifer's hand tightly, almost feeling a bone shift underneath her impressive grip.   


If silence could be shattered like a physical piece of glass it would be comparative to the loud rap which was inflicted upon the doors hollow wood seconds after Quistis's violent pressure. She hadn't heard from anyone other then doctors and nurses in days, slipping in and out of the apartments quickly, constantly worried of Seifer's fate and unable to find any substantial ground for her caring. She was still very angry for what he could have caused to Stacey. She yelled a dishearten 'come in' and watched the door smoothly open.   


Much to her approval Menka walked in, looking a little cross but not that much worse for wear. Menka gave a sad smile, his eyes giving off a melancholy aura, and floated smoothly toward Quistis.   


"You haven't came to visit me," Menka breathed, clearly not ready to explain how worried he was becoming with Quistis's current living conditions.   


A slight pain of guilt washed through Quistis's emotionless face only to be blocked half way by Menka's brightened smile. She quickly realized that her lack of ability to keep a promise was not the reason for his apparent mood. A little saddened that she was not missed quite as much as it at first seemed she studied his face, watching it peer down suspiciously at her hand, which was quite firmly attached to Seifer's free limb.   


"The doctor said stimulus might help," she renounced quickly, speaking to a friend for the first time in too long.   


He gave her a slightly suspicious smile and looked up once again making clear eye contact, "Do you know how he's doing?" He almost physically gave in to the urge to kick himself. Yes, that's great Menka, why not bring up the only thing she's' had to think about for the past seven day.   


"His brain has been whacked around quite a bit. Doctors say his chance of making it out is something like 50/50. I know that there lying to me. You think they could've told me, I mean I'm just sitting here alone day after day, trying to scrounge up some hope. I know the nurses said, they didn't know I was listening, chances are more like 20/80." She stopped for a moment and then laughed, "Hyne, Seifer had to mix in all that alcohol just to make the chances worse."   


"You do realize that people can be breathing on their own and stay comatose for years before, well, you can't stay here for years," he tried to make it sound light hearted but found himself once again feeling as if he should inflict self mutilation for the harshness of his words.   


Suddenly they heard a mumble, no, it was more like a low growl. They both instantly turned to Seifer, the only one they knew who could growl exactly like some obscure cat-monster. The both stared; mouths wide open before Quistis spoke, "Seifer can you here me?"   


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Notes: SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for how long this stinky chapter took. I kept on going inspired and then losing it verrryyyy quickly….sorry sorry sorry! Sorry about when Quistis goes all philosophical on death even though that's kind of far from what she was originally touching on………………….will update soon, grade ten starts in something like a week 


	7. Uncontrolable

**A/N:took so long due to the fact I just started highschool, o-so-busy! Will update much more regularly! This story started out with some of my worst writing, check out my other story for a cookie! It's written better and I just started it…**   


** Please review, its what keeps me going! (meh…way too enthusiastic today)**   


Disclaimer: ummmm, I don't own ff8 but…I own…umm…   


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The blink of an eye, a light shudder erupted throughout the stones man's features, gently resounding and falling to settle upon the sole of his feet. His eyes opened to a confusing sight, who was this? Quistis. Why is Quistis here, why am I here? Gentle questions echoed throughout his aching mind, reaching cavities too damaged to be accessed.   


"Awake," he half mumbled, half questioned, feeling slight tingles upon his finger tips and bringing his hand up to meet the back of his head.   


"How could you do that, Seifer," Quistis, the woman before him, rose her voice to a full on yell before she started to weep quietly and embrace his sore muscles in a clasp. Seifer continued to look shocked, a querying stare with unfocused eyes pleaded the man beside the bed to answer what was going on.   


True to his disbelief, he simply wallowed in the embrace and waited for her to break it, leaving his cold body quite lonely in fact. He continued to stare blankly, before a sad grumble of words poured out of his mouth, "What happened?"   


All the disheveled patient could recall was sadness…drinking a lot…the rest grew grayer and grayer, fading gently from his mind. Now he was here. Who was the man? A vague recollection, a wisp of the past reincarnated in his mind, a dream? No, Michael, his manager…but he couldn't shake the uncomfortable nature, the bland overstatement of tension between the two. Had he hurt him before? Threatened him?   


Deep thought scattered quickly as his face felt the sting of palm across his face. He continued to look ahead, Quistis fully sobbing before him, shouting words that didn't make sense, "You could've killed her!" Like a mantra, repeating it over and over, then turning it about and continuing to spout anger full force at the clearly dumfounded man. In complete irony, as sudden as the slap had come, an embrace took place. She gripped on to him once again…like she wouldn't let go.   


He was reveling about in the warmth and confusion when she backed off and slapped him again. Now the man intervened, pulling Quistis off Seifer, whom she had began to slap, yell and hug in an automatic fashion.   


Michael's gentle grip pulled her gently back, shuffling towards the corner of the room where he placed her upon a chair. Shock and disbelief, anger and hope, all emotions warped about her face, writhing, as she stared at the man on the bed. Seifer turned to look at her too.   


What had he done? When, how, last time he had seen Quistis, they were on speaking terms at the least. Now he was in a hospital bed, having her clearly untidy frame glare at him from the corner, a tear springing out of her eye. Never one to sit by confused he cracked his lips open, "What happened?"   


Stunned looks were exchanged between Quistis and Michael, who then pursued Seifer with inquiring stares, leaving their disbelief to flit about in the pace between. Quistis drove a hand through her choppy coffee hair, "You can't remember?" A gentle shaking of the head was all she received in response. "Do you know who you are?" A chuckle graced Seifer's predominantly confused face and he half-smiled, half mocked.   


"I just said I didn't remember what you were talking about, or why the hell you were beating on me? Or why, exactly, I'm in a hospital? All I remember is," he paused, wondering if he should tell her, or let it be. No, Michael was here, Nex was his boss. He would have enough trouble getting his job back after whatever horrible thing he had done, it seemed abysmal to tell his boss's girlfriend he liked her, hadn't he? He gazed over at the pair, five feet away, Quistis huddled underneath Michael's arm, they looked confused. He remembered to pick up on his disenchanted reel, "Getting really hammered…" Not the most intelligent or belligerent thing to say, but it was a filler.   


"That's all," Michael looked down, solemnly bowing his head as if to contemplate how to break the truth to Seifer, "You…you…" He sighed, tapping his foot upon the floor. It wasn't simple to tell a man he had tried to commit suicide, and in fact tried to take someone with him to the other side. He felt a tug on his jacket, a gaze down produced an image of Quistis mouthing, 'I will'.   


"Seifer you," Quistis quickly recollected what she was to say, "After you got drunk, you, you found a girl. And you took her on a drive…"   


"Stupid driving drunk," he spoke believing this was all, a simple intoxicated crash, roadside collision with a tree.   


"No, you don't understand," she wiped tears from beneath crimson eyes, "You drove off the road on purpose."   


Seifer gripped his head which was dancing around, bemused of it's own misfortune and injuries, "You can't mean what I think…" His voice trailed off, head suddenly throbbing, "These lights are too bright, they're bringing on a migraine. Turn them off!" His shouts of frustration quickly answered with Michael slamming his hands to the light switch and fumbling for a moment. Seifer's headache didn't stop.   


Quistis held a hand to her forehead in a desolate fever, trying wipe away the grief it was causing her to tell Seifer what had happened, "Yes, you did." Simple and to the point, such a cold way to put suicide.   


Seifer pulled the IV out of his arm, it was starting to itch as if spiked with flames. His sudden movement caused Quistis to jump and rise to his side. She pressed her finger down upon the hole where the IV had been, clogging the blood within his tormented veins. Her sudden touch had caused Seifer to shudder. He remembered, last thoughts, bitter and disturbed, obscured by alcohol and discontentment, _ who could ever love you?_   


Back arched, Seifer pulled away from Quistis, static movements, "Don't touch me." He allowed the blood to trickle, Quistis staring, bewildered at the sight.   


Silence came, filled with busy thought, harsh reflection and regret. Seifer didn't know how anything so new, so unreal, so unsure, like his fondness of Quistis, could have compelled him to kill himself. It simply was unreal, and it made him uncomfortable to be in her presence, she couldn't possibly have so much control over his unconscious mind. Stupidity aside, it was simply too much to comprehend, yet it was so easy to give in to.   


Quistis wondered what else could be wrong, Seifer before her like a broken child, watching the blood flow out of his minuscule wound. Shying from her touch, from any touch, from any speech. True, he had just learned of his intended, or unintended (perhaps he was too inebriated to understand) suicide attempt. But why wouldn't he want to be comforted. Even Seifer must have a vulnerable piece inside. In his darkest moments he could not let her help, but stay too fucking proud of himself to seek caring? She took a step back, wanting less and less to hurt him. He must be so broken, too broken…   


~*~

  


She had left, amassed brown hair spinning to leave without the uttering of a word, a phrase, not even a simply goodbye. Now he was alone, cracked and bruised, waiting to hear something, understand something, comprehend this susceptibility that could not, no, didn't really exist. But all he felt was alone.   


A doctor had came, announced him healthy, as well as the fact he had to look forward to partial amnesia, he was fully prepared for any confusion which may be tossed his way. He just wished he could explain, but he couldn't. Weakness is unacceptable. Weakness is for Chickenwuss or Puberty-Boy, not Seifer Alamsy, not the broken knight. He could take anything, he simply could not give a part of himself away…   


He pondered what to do, he was to be released in a day, free to roam the world. Free to roam back…to where? He wasn't exactly welcome anywhere, but then again, was he ever?   


Depressing thoughts subsided as an unfamiliar girl entered the room. She was about 5"6, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a lopsided smile which didn't quite fit her vixen like clothing. She looked particularly insightful for someone wearing a belt for a skirt and a skimpy tank-top akin in color, crimson. She took slow steps to the side of Seifer's bed, turning to face him. She looked a little like Quistis, veto her recent transition from blonde to brunette and lacking the wisdom about her aura.   


The women began to speak, much to Seifer's surprise, "I'm Stacey. You probably don't remember me, seeing as how you were drunk out of your mind, but I was in the car with you." She flashed a reassuring smile, chipped tooth prominently denouncing all others of attention. Seifer stared up bewildered at this new revelation. "I just came, seeing as how you just awoke, to tell you something."   


Seifer sighed impatiently, folding two arms behind his head into a classic dispossessed pose, "I'm sorry. Like you said, I was drunk out of my mind and thinking about some things I really shouldn't be thinking about when my judgment is so skewed. Plus, driving wasn't exactly…"   


Stacey interrupted, much to Seifer's disbelief, by hugging him, causing the man to retract further into the mattress and try to leave the empty hug. She ignored his reluctance and looked him directly in the eyes, "I just wanted to say I forgive you. Whatever caused you to…you know… must've been bigger then you could control. So don't feel guilty, I'm fine, except the chipped tooth you've been eyeing." She gave a benevolent wink and tossed a yellowed lock of hair back around her face. Slowly she began to leave the room, causing yet another revelation.   


Seifer was unable to harness this, this…whatever this feeling was, and all that left him was scared. Intuitively he decided he knew what he must do, leave, he couldn't see Quistis again.   


~*~

  


Quistis had collected her wits in the garden, surrounded by shrubbery and at the mercy of the water's edge. The meandering stream had a new meaning, glass, cold…what had been wrong with Seifer, what was wrong with him? He couldn't admit a fault, ever. Even shit for nothing guys like Squall [he's only bad in my story! Otherwise he's great in the beginning of the game] could admit something was wrong. Seifer, pigheaded Seifer. No, he couldn't share his faults, couldn't express his feelings. He led many to think he had no feelings.   


That was wrong, Quistis knew crouched up in some distant, untapped corridor of his mind Seifer was crying or hating or, at the very least, needing something. The scar, that damned scar, a constant reminder of his wallowing self or maybe it was an abandoned self. If Seifer had ever cared for something, it tended to blow up in his face.   


Ultimecia…   


The orphanage…   


Quistis almost found herself pitying him, brought back to reality by the hurried rush of the stream, such a menial place in this chaotic world. A haven of self indulgence, if thought could be called that.   


Why was he so damn cold? She wanted to be able to help him so much, embrace him until he told her everything…until he explained…until he was finally free, but he had to let her...   


***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

  
  


**Notes: leave it to Seifer to find he's fallen in love with someone and run like hell! Aww, muffin…I am so happy, so forgive me for writing sad things so badly…raver boy (grade twelve whom I am completely and utterly in awe of) remembers what I wore on the first day of school…I can't even remember…awwwww…stalker…that completely off topic note was brought to you by insane hyperactivity at the mercy of somebody else's compliments…**


	8. Bitter

A/N: in response to the notion that Seifer is too noble to run from love, I tend to think of it not as a judgment of his intent nobility, but more so as the reincarnation of past scars. He's had a little too much morphine and an excessively lower level of good relationships. ehh…my life has spawned instant drama! Hurray, but of course this means I get really lazy at writing…so this took awhile!   


** Please review, its what keeps me going!**   


disclaimer: if i owned ff8 i wouldn't be writing fan fiction, which obviously makes me a fan, not a rich rich rich owner....   


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It had all been like a dream, a haze of thick fog scattering events, people, time. He was there, he was in bed, and then he was gone. Far gone, in all literal meanings of the words before. He left but a note, a simply scrawled scripture upon paper, feelings defying their owner…   


He had written it without thought, of the conscious degree at least. Hand being possessively stolen and smoothly writing words filled with incredible meaning, words of confusion. Everything from then on was slow, a defiling and empty hospital room, denying the once there presence of the man, of Seifer Alamsy.   


She walked in to find it this way, cold, empty, a room filled with contradiction. She wished to explain to hear his breath once again, to understand why he continued on breathing…but all she found was the note. Slinking among the freshly made bed covers, distinguishingly there for her, for every fiber of her being knew she wouldn't understand the note but that it was only to her.   


Thin, graceful hands swept the note up off the covers, shivering with the thought of what it contained, what wasn't there in the room, a living breathing human being. She sat on the chair in the corner, face covered in dried tears, eyes red refuting her feverish means to hide the emotion, and began to read.   


It was carved in harsh long-hand, filling the page quickly and efficiently. All in blue pen, all understating their own meanings. The top stated simply "Quisty", the woman's childhood name. At the mention new tears began to fall, she knew he had left.   


'I'm going now, gone. Don't try and find me, I can hide better then any tracker can uncover, that's what I've done for the past few years, is it not? I had to speak, had to tell you something. I can't get close to anyone, not you, no exceptions. I cannot be vulnerable, it only leads to failure, something which I can't handle anymore. I've moved on from everyone close in the past few years and I can't… This is by no means a judgment of you…it is just what I have learnt.'   


She had him all figured out…hadn't she? He left because she cared, maybe in fact this meant he cared. He had signed it 'I'll always remember waking up to see you face, Seifer'. What exactly had he tried to convey?   


The woman slumped off the chair slowly, recoiling on the floor before snapping into a fetal position. She forced her back upon the world, shell. Nothing ever worked out, nothing ever worked out, not even those things that had never been incarnated.   


_ Squall…her friends…Seifer…._   


She thought once more of the curse laid upon their two souls, love never dieing but forcefully denying and crippling the wielder. To hers, an un-repented sin, nary a person could love that. To his an undeniable thirst for acceptance, betrayal leaving ever prevailing scars.   


All of this bound them to their fate; to be alone.   


~*~

  


The train whistle droned a melancholy song about the cascading alps. Trabia. Land of ice and altitude. The strange man flattened a woolen hat against his head and breathed out, ice crystals forming a melodic and tempting white cloud before his frigid eyes.   


He shook a cold hand and began to bite his mitten off, before sending the barren limb to rummage about in his knapsack. He found several hundred Gil and mused for a moment, paused in thought, before handing the torn bills to the trainmaster. He was setting off to a small town nestled in a pass, several hundred miles from where his trembling mind stood and thought, or in truth tried to avoid thought. Indeed, he was running. Not as an ordinary man, from law or debt, but he was irrefutably running from love.   


They had spoken that love can win and lose many battles, stronger then hate (or so many humans like to believe), stronger then conscience thought. And sometimes someone wanted to deny love, beat it at its own controlling game. Seifer Alamsy was one of them.   


His hand, already turning red and numb from the sterile air, grasped the ticket from the graying mans hand. A muffled 'thank-you' surpassed pursed lips and a thick mass of knitted fabric. He was to leave in an day, leaving but enough time to grab a warm drink and a meal at the local pub and a nights stay at the inn before passing the cliché mountain town by.   


He heaved the knapsack about his right shoulder and shakily replaced the glove upon his hand, beating it against his thickly covered leg to recover all feeling. Groggily, almost limping over a splinted leg, he made his way over the wooden platform and down the ice laced steps safely. He left the sharply sounding train whistle behind and all at once was overwhelmed by new stimulants. He could smell baking on the crisp air, and hear gentle laughter resounding from a pub on the far side of town, in truth around three blocks down.   


Heaving a sigh he began to trudge through the snow dusted street, carefully steering away from an obstacle course of ice patches and rocks.   


~*~

  


It had been four days and there had been no sign of the ever diligent Seifer, covering his tracks meticulously. The search had begun after a nurse had stumbled upon an open door, gentle sobs resounding throughout the room and no one in sight but a woman sniffling on the floor. The woman did not speak, not really. She simply stared up into the wiser woman's eyes and let the empty bed speak for itself.   


Seifer wasn't healthy enough to leave the hospital, leg in a splint, ribs cracked within his swollen taunt skin, waiting to pierce something irreparable. Not a soul could speak of how he had managed to leave the hospital unnoticed. He was a character that refused to show itself without vivid representation, and yet he was able to waltz out of a hospital, obviously damaged, and have nary a soul speak a word of it.   


The hospital called it an error, and promised to look for him, helping Quistis hire a private detective. Of course, this all become a luckless hunt, broken lead after broken lead. The man had obviously been triumphant in mastering his evasive skills, a professional tracker could be broken down to insanity trying to follow the man, like looking a for a needle in a haystack, impossible.   


So now Quistis sat in her blood red apartment, surrounded by messages of condolences, distant messages. They meant nothing, nothing more then plastic labels, heartless stuffed animals and enviously bright flowers to engulf her, make her forget.   


They just made her remember more then ever, everything. The letter, scrawl upon a meaningless thin sheet of wood, holding so much that the light of day couldn't compare to insanely unstructured poetic symphony. Not for the beauty of the words, but for all they held, all the pain, contempt, hate, caring, and most of all loss.   


Seifer was pure, at one point everything is. Humans defile this, cracking the white shells, surrounding the soul in forlorn materialism, hate, and even love destroys this. He was the living incarnation of a fallen angel, in all truth; humans are this as a whole. Once something of pure beauty, radiance, tarnished by the world. He had been stained by betrayal, he had loved so much, many would call it obsession, but he was always turned the cold shoulder.   


She had arrived much too late in the game, too late to save him, but just in time to destroy what he had gained. Now she crouched, clutching the empty carcass of a teddy-bear, contemplating how to move on.   


She was filled with guilt. There was so much guilt.   


~*~

  


The pub was smothering, warm bread and meat scents wafted about the air before descending on the cold man's alienated senses. It was insanely warm inside, a hearth burning brightly in the corner and bringing about an orange tinted glow to the area. His gaze shifted uneasily about the room's wooden interior, cluttered with short table and relaxed chairs. A warmly smiling woman greeted him as he began to remove the layers of clothing swallowing his body whole.   


Swollen fingers picked at scarf and missed at moments to grasp the skin beneath them. Much to his surprise the woman began to help him remove his scarf and placed in onto a well-pronounced hook near the door, she then proceeded to unbutton his coat and hang it too upon the hook. He looked up at the woman's rosy face to find her smiling in a rather excessive manner and motioning him to a seat nearest the fire.   


"Hello there lad, you really shouldn't be about in this weather, you'll get frostbite from walking a mile," she patted the prospective chair and waited for the maladjusted stranger to plant himself upon it's worn surface. As if being willed to, he eventually took a seat and scanned the room briefly. Several others were watching him take his seat, two women and a shady man in a shadowed corner who had yet to reveal his face.   


"I'm just staying the night," he looked up reluctantly at the ever prevalent flushed cheeks of the woman and turned his eyes to his abandoned sack near the door.   


"Oh, well that's a shame. Thought I'd have two good looking young men staying at our inn for awhile," she glanced momentarily at the shady character in the corner before turning from table and returning briefly with a cup of steaming cider. She placed it forcefully before him, shaking the table with its ubiquitous weight, "Now this! This will keep the cold out and the depression." Seifer got a whiff of the strong apple and liquor that made the cider and waited a moment, recollecting what had occurred last time he drank.   


Against all good will, and along with all human nature, he took a giant swig of the cider, licking his lips of the bitter-sweet substance, "Thank-you, I'll be requiring a room if you have one open."   


"We've only one other traveler here, leaving three empty rooms, and I'll give you the nicest one at a discount. You'll be sharing a bathroom with our other patron, Mr. Jessel over there in the corner," she smiled, reminiscing, "He's been here for awhile." Her voice dropped several decibels to a barely audible whisper, "I think he's got liking for my daughter."   


Seifer dismissed the petty ramblings of the inn owner and politely spoke once again, "I was wondering if you are serving dinner?" His voice was obviously shaky, as if missing a pillar of its varied foundation, and his speech sounded almost weak.   


A nod shook the jolly frame of the woman as she left the table once again, giving Seifer a peaceful moment to sip the cider. It made him feel slightly light headed, not full on drunk, but as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Maybe it was just obscuring his almost obsolete judgment. When he had finished the drink a raven-haired girl, who had been conversing with the other woman who had appeared to be a patron in the pub, swept it up almost instantly. Undoubtedly the inn owner's daughter.   


The drink was replaced and Seifer found himself quickly on his fourth mug of cider when his meal arrived. A hearty looking stew and crisp homemade bread congregated in a stone bowl. He sipped at the undeniably nourishing chunks of meats and vegetables, and tore pieces of bread off to wipe the bowl clean.   


He ate it so hungrily that one might've thought he hadn't eaten in a year. His savage movements drew attention from both the two girls and the woman, although he didn't seem to care much. When he had finished the second bowl he stood to grab his bag and retire to his room, oblivious to increasingly staggering steps he was taking.   


He had made it but three steps when a minuscule amount of light hit his eye the perfect way. The corner of the room in which the unidentified stranger was seated was lit, and the recognition was almost instantaneous.   


For there, directly to the left of a drunk Seifer Almamsy, sat Squall Leonhart.   


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  


Notes: okie, Seifer's drunk….Seifer's drunk and he has stumbled upon Squall…drunk Seifer and Squall…what mayhem ensues? will Quistis find Seifer, or move the hell on (haha, I felt oh so compelled to swear at least once this chapter)? stay tuned for next weeks chapter! 


	9. Calm

  


A/N: OOOOOO…sooooooo sorry about my lack of knowledge regarding character names, I was neeevvver really sure how to spell Almsay, haha, reoccurring problem here! Sorry about …ugh…everything! I am all depressive so it might me a noticeably solemn chapter, not horribly solemn because I cannot write that well!   


** Please review, its what keeps me going!**   


disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy, if I did I would buy up the worlds stock of jam and start up a black market where I could make billions!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH, I have strange aspirations   


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Seifer turned, loosing balance on his left foot and stepped hastily to prevent the falling of his now cumbersome body. He blinked twice, trying to clear the haze that had overturned his 20/20 vision but failed to wipe the gloss away. It became obvious that the cider had been very strong. His pupils continued to slowly drift, meandering between focus and blurs, until he finally found himself able to hold a stare at the man, suddenly lit by the fire.   


It was then he found it all harder to believe. The man, sleeping, head upon the table scattering chocolate locks about the brown wood, had nary made a move when he had entered. His face was turned to the door, smooth features making no haste in movement, scar identifying the owner instantly. For an inebriated man Seifer noticed several things, namely that Squall looked much to happy, breathing even, clothes neat and tidy, clean shaven, to be running from the media and blame. He had left Quistis alone to face the world, face the smash campaign generated by Rinoa's wake, retirement to the country, mental problems. And yet he appeared to be having an oddly peaceful sleep.   


Feeling compelled to ruin it Seifer stomped awkwardly towards the table where an outstretched arm and head lay flowing innocently in and out of breath. Moment passed, Seifer found himself staring down at his enemy…contemplating.   


He had run too.   


~*~

  


Days became a week and slowly time evolved the intertwined surrounding of the room, the woman contained within hallowed walls at the center of the ever unfolding drama. She sat solemnly, getting on with life in a low, laborious fashion, letting the world continue to run while she made her minute steps into the world.   


So far she had been visited by one; Michael who seemed to revel in the comfort he bestowed in her very alone frame. Daily visits, sometime more then once a day, were her form of contact with the world she chose not to openly communicate with yet. She was not a massive hermit, taking her empty day time to wonder mindlessly about the shops or do accounting work for the club, but instead shied from engaging in conversation. She was still trying to understand all of what had occurred.   


At the moment she was pouring a strong glass of black tea into a mug, unwitting of the confused man waiting to knock upon her door from the hall way. He stood, frame maladjusted in the light, turning to and fro, bouncing uneasily in the barren hallway. He was contemplating the nature of the situation.   


He had kissed the woman, she had let him kiss her, then a mere acquaintance gets injured and she plays the role of guardian, not even bothering to talk to him in the least. But there was more; the woman had fought terribly with the man she was looking after, and then became a recluse as soon as he left. Worst of all, in all of this mayhem she had forgotten all about Nex, and all he knew was that an odd array of circumstances had amounted to a forgotten date and a staff member who had magically changed jobs.   


Hand shakily moved to the wooden door, waiting before it began to rap a melancholy vibration that echoed down the hall and penetrated the wood where it permeated through on the other side. He waited, anticipant of the face about to appear.   


As if to spite his muffled knock and hope, nothing but a voice emerged from the room, a meek call for identification shook through the door. He almost had to strain to hear the voice's off tone through the separating nature of the wood.   


He turned his head, black hair gently falling into place, cupping intimidating jet black eyes, he coughed then spoke, "Nex." His answer was curt, and she welcomed it with the brilliance of one who had been fed so much mental sugar in the past few days it was making her vomit.   


The woman put down the warming mug of tea and cautiously approached the door. She hadn't seen Nex since that night. She felt horribly inept at her lack of thought to his state of mind. He had loaned her money to furnish and paint her apartment, free of interest, and she had simply forgotten he existed. She half grumbled, even if he was a bad kisser he didn't deserve that.   


The door seemed to take ages to open from the other side, setting forth a new plague of doubt in the club owner's mind. When the knob was slowly turned, door pulled shakily inward, he was half surprised to actually see the one he sought standing before him. Her face was withered with thought and slight hints of betrayal flecked her somber smile, a mere façade of what true happiness should be. Her body was loosely covered in a gray sweat suit, reflecting upon a face made to look much sicker then should ever be implied by a color.   


Despite all which she held, she welcomed the man in with much allegiance to her disillusioned mind, and in an almost apologetic manner offered him the mug of tea she had originally poured for herself. He gently refused it and simply took a seat on the couch where he was directed, silently beckoning her to talk, her lithe form not sprouting forth a word since the offering. He decided to start the discussion himself after she firmly sat before him on a facing chair.   


"How are you," he half mumbled, weak words for an ordinarily strong man escaped barely open lips. The words were barren as they stood, in all reality representing a much deeper meaning, hidden within vowels and beats were a longing to understand the girl. He twitched his hand nervously about his kneecap and then slowly settled down, staring sympathetically at the girl.   


Quistis moved slightly in the chair, unaware of what was making her so uneasy. She opened her mouth, "I'm, I have no idea." A slight pause almost made the man speak again but she quickly started her speech again, "I'm sorry, that I didn't call, or anything. I guess I was more attached then I thought. So I think its probably best that I just work my debt off and leave."   


"I don't think that's really necessary," he half smiled, he had been all too knowing of what was to be said, "An anonymous patron has fronted all the money you owed the club." He looked up, aware she was staring, quite awed at the generosity.   


"Was it you," she spoke in a very certain tone, trying to be less emotional then she felt.   


"No, actually, somebody from your past, they said they were an acquaintance. They also said I couldn't speak a wisp of their name to you, because they feel you don't owe them anything," he spouted it all in a quite memorized tone, as if he was reading a cue card.   


For a moment Quistis felt ashamed she had mis-proportioned Nex's liking to her in such a way, but she felt slight relief to know she wasn't fantastically hurting him nor scarring him for life with the news she was leaving. After a few minutes of contemplative silence she looked up into his eyes to speak again, "Thanks so much. Even if you can't tell me who owes me, or rather now..." She let out a gentle laugh, "Could I ask you but one more favor?"   


"Depends," he found himself smiling at the weird reoccurrence of this situation, it had happened with the job, the apartment, and now whatever task she willed him to he knew he would feel compelled to fulfill. He really couldn't find a way to say no to her.   


"Could you not mention I'm leaving to Michael? I've been such a bother to him, last thing I need to make him do is back up my stuff," randomly this brought up the thought of the good friend she had made, and a slight longing to stay here in comfort.   


"You don't need to pack up everything," this met a slightly confused face when spoken, he quickly explained, "Your anonymous donor said they wanted you to have a safe place, so they rented it for you on a lease, you have it legally for the next three years."   


An astonished look wiped the girl's face, mass confusion replaced slightly miscalculated guessing and she began to seriously wonder how insane her mysterious, and seriously in debt, contributor was.   


~*~

  


After standing there, much to the bewilderment of the staff of the inn, for minutes on end, Seifer (or rather the vague poisons coursing through his tired veins) decided that it was time to speak to his rival. Rather then what was to be expected of two drunk men, he had plotted within the distant caverns of his mind that he was going to speak, violence not totally uninhibited.   


He took slow steps, only a few meek dragging ones, and took a seat opposite the sleeping figure. He felt like crap, he was as bad as him, as what he had interpreted as to be as lowly as they came. They had both abandoned her, left her alone to face the world.   


As if cued by the mental notation of his incompetence Squall raised his head, slowly, obviously he had too been drinking the cider. Despite his drunkenness, he was frightened at the easily recognizable face before him. No, it was not the vengeance which the face contained, anger and sorrowful wit which could lash out at any second. For once it was something else, it wasn't the anger but the calmness in his eyes. Seifer had not once embodied calmness in his cold eyes…not until now.   


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Notes (yessss I realize I should only have notes on one end, hush!) anyways, sorry about the belated nature of this whole story, I'm just getting used to a whole new niche, so its all coming back slowly. Er…please review! Its worth masses to me! Ooo…WAIT!   


[Insert naked Zell dancing about for no reason at all]   


HURRAY!! Sorry I had to expose you all to that! I felt compelled (it came from review…) 


	10. Conclusion

**Note: ACK!!!!!!! I am so bad at staying inspired, it's been too long, sorry… Blabbering is what I do. I realize how frighteningly slow that chapter was though…. sorry about the way Rinoa acts, but poor her, she has just been cheated on by someone despite their squabbles she trusted, you would be spiteful too…**

  
I dooooo not own ff8. 

  


~*~

  
"So, this is where you end up when you realize no one loves you, that no one will ever love you. Where you go when the rest of the world is out for your neck, where the one you love would be better off without your sorry ass following them around, tying their life down, breaking them into pieces," Seifer droned to the somber figure who was staring up, perplexed by the calm upon this face. This face which wasn't supposed to be here, which shouldn't be so damn calm. 

  
Squall lifted his head up, the deep superficial imprint of his coarse sweater on the side of his face, reddened slightly more for the warmth of the fire and glow of the coals filling the room with a slightly tinged light. He continued to stare at the face of his "enemy". Finally, in the fashion of a man believing that what he's seeing is nothing more then a dream left by the nights consumption of alcoholic cider, "Why are you here?" He seemed none the less calm in his execution, simply wanting the query plaguing him to be cleared up. 

  
"Same reason as you. I abandoned her," Seifer looked down at his hand, steadying them by leaning the palms against each other. They were fine now…together. He laughed at how strange and horrible and metaphoric his damned hands were. Looking up again he saw Squall was thinking, unaware of the meaning of Seifer's words from under the groggy haze of the cider… 

  
Squall suddenly seemed more alert, and asked the rather conscious question of who 'her' was. Seifer grumbled at the implication that he could be talking of anyone but Quistis, but he seemed more serene then he had ever been in his life, plagued with guilt and broken down. 

  
"Quistis, I'm talking about Quistis," he looked at Squall. Even if he hadn't been drunk Squall wouldn't have known a thing, no one knew a thing of her side of the story after the first betrayl. 

  
The burden which had been weighing him down suddenly felt ready to be lifted, even if it was on to the shoulders of his enemy, the one he had been taught to despise through competition and warfare, and love. An enemy through love. He wondered a moment, questioning his timing, and then he told Squall what happened to Quistis. 

  


~*~

  
They had spoken the night before, two fallen soldiers reminiscing about conquests gone terribly wrong. It is always terrible though, isn't it? When there's love involved. 

  
Seifer left with the sun in the morning. He had seen the world's hero. Heard his confused words. Watched the lack of emotion on his face and wondered how he could be so much like this heartless boy. He was heartless. 

  
When he got to his next stop, somewhere in the country, a small cottage like inn, he sat at a table and picked up a pen. 

  


~*~

'What do you believe in? The stars will always appear at night. The moon will always fade with the sun. The gods will always swoop down to rescue you at a moments notice, just a call is warranted? 

  
Love is always good. Love is always pure. Love is always the best for both parties. A perpetually giving bond between two competent human beings. 

  
No. Not everyone deserves to be loved. I hold over me a sword, I carry behind me my sins, and I can never be rid of them. What do I have to give but pain and torture? A statement rather then a question. 

  
You are so pure, so beautiful. Scarred delicately by the hands of the public. There were so many times when I wanted to hold you tightly and whisper the world into submission. My arms have killed thousands, how can they be expected to fulfil their duty as saviors. My mind has condemned millions to death, how can it be capable of mastering anything beautiful in this world. So please see, I'm not worth a moment. I'm not worth a day of worrying, or a day of thought. I am not worth anything other then a breath, or recognition of my name.' 

  
Quistis read, sobbing, the letter which had came surprisingly, oozing karma the day before. The end of the letter was a surprise, Seifer said he felt guilty, and that if she needed to see just what a horrible decision hers was to contact him, she could meet him at the fountain, twelve midnight, for the last time. She worried to what extent he meant this, if he would actually arrive, or show his inability to care with an absence. But she hurried anyway. 

  
She dressed in a white slip dress and ran out the door at eleven. 

  


~*~

  
The figure stood, cloaked in darkness and memories, looming in a alley in the fountain square of Trabia. Faint hope remained in his mind, and his thoughts wondered aimlessly as he gazed at the lighted, flowing water. He pulled his gloved off, unsure of the feeling produced by them being bare. 

  
At fifteen to midnight a floating white vision slowly moved beside the fountain from the opposite side of the square. She whispered "Seifer" a few times, in a panicked manner, and then sat idly by the fountain. 

  
He hadn't been sure this was a good idea, he was about to find out. He moved slowly from his covered alley into the forgiving soft light of the fountain. Quistis stared. She could barely make out his eyes, his lips, his shoulders. She barely knew it was him. Running slightly, she made her way to the figure, still blurred by the night and awe.

  
"Quistis, I'm so sorry," he looked at her gently, and she stood before him, eyes trying to breath in what little she could make of his face. Out of thin air she made a grab for his hand, only to have it taken away. 

  
She turned and spoke softly, "follow me." 

  
They made their way slowly, and carefully, Seifer a few steps behind, and she didn't look back at him until they had made it to the back door of her apartments. The street light shone brightly upon them and for the first time in months she could see his face before her. 

  
He was a wreck, running and guilt had sunken his eyes, cheekbones prominent, thinner, the night air seemed to make him shiver. She saw another scar. She saw his eyes, cold. She could swear he didn't care, those eyes could replace a thousand lovely letters, replace them with a broken heart. 

  
They continued up to her apartment. Without a word spoken she started to make tea. Silence blanketed every move, accentuating the few sounds made. He was standing inside the closed door. 

  
Unsure where to go,he watched the Quistis maniacally, almost without thinking, fill two cups full of tea. Then he watched her lose all concentration on the teapot and walk up to him. 

  
Face to face their eyes lingered, boring straight into one another, looking for a reason to fault them and move on. Impulsively she wrapped her arms around him. Her head burrowed into his jacket, which smelt of cigarettes, sweat and musk, like she remembered. He stood, trying to evoke as little emotion in her as possible, and being helpless to do so. He smelt her hair without her noticing, diving deeply into this moment of guilt with the scent of lilacs in his mind. 

  
"Seifer," she spoke muffled, "Seifer, why won't you love me?" she cried at the last inquiry. 

  
The warmth of her tears, her human nature, was soaking though his jacket. He stood mute, and finally wrapped his arms softly around her. She sighed, as though he had done something amazing, and continued to cry. 

  
"Stop crying Quisty," he tried to sooth her, "It'll be all right." 

  
"It hasn't ever been alright," self pity washed over her mind, almost rightfully, "why hasn't it ever been alright." A statement and unanswerable paradox finished her moment. 

  
"I can't stay long." 

  
Quistis looked up, eyes red with anguish and fear, her lip almost quivered., "No, no, no, no, no…" She continued, stuck.

  
"I can't love you , " he lied, "it would be the love of demon."

  
She continued to repeat "no", and finally fell silent and held him tighter. "Don't you realize that you're hurting me more now…"

  
"Can you even love me," he stared down at her, his arms relaxed and fell to his sides, as did hers a moment later. 

  
"Of course I love you. Why would I look for you this long, why would I be like this," she smoothly used her hand to display the room, which was quite chaotic. 

  
Suddenly he moved his head forward and their lips met. Passionately he kissed her, almost violently jamming his tongue into her mouth. She responded almost instantly, running on hand through his slightly matted hair.

  


~*~

  
The light gently beamed in though the window, and the open screen allowed the hot, wet, industrial smell of the city to waft in. The sun rose almost triumphantly, and when Quistis turned over she smelt a musk like, human smell. She remembered the night before, and found herself staring at the closed eyes of Seifer Almsay. 

  
She kissed his forehead, unsure of what had happened last night. It had seemed fierce, and violent, pent up and locked away inside with good reason. She had never made love like that. Never before in her life had she had so much passion towards one person and had it returned.

  
"Do you believe that the sun will rise," she softly spoke, referring to his letter, as he stirred slowly. 

  
"I love you Quistis." 

  


~*~

The end... 

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ending notes: An abrupt, if not satisfying ending. I apologive profusely for all the times this was left, but it was returned to. perhaps it was an experiment, a way to gauge my writting style, and it has changed dramatically (I hope for the better, although i sometimes find room to doubt that in the words and sentences). Finally love is requitted. Who knows what would happen after the ending? I'll leave that to others and their lovely imaginations. More apologies, and I hope that last chapter went well, please review if you can. (constructively hopefully) \ 


End file.
